The Caroler

 Persistent "NAMAMASKO!!!!" was repeatedly chanted in escalating voices and banging of the gate.  It was so annoying that Ana decided not to answer the commotion outside.  Jacob and Lloyd"s sleep was disrupted.

There are several kinds of carolers.  Just a few off my list:

 Savvy 1 2 3 sends a printed "soshyal" card requiring your presence in your house that same night.  They carol for the sick, the infirmed, the lonely and the dead.

The "Taynk you beery much taynk you" would call Gloria even if there is no one by that name in your household : "Glo hu hu hu hu hu, hu hu hu hu ho ri ya, inex shell shet de he yo... taynk you beery much taynk you!" 

Karaoke Gang will regale you with a portable minus one in blasting sense surround and the videoke king usually dominates the carol.  They either come in an overloaded tricycle or a jeep.

The Street Urchins from Azucena road are the regulars.  They shake their baby brother's rattle or  a DIY tambourine (fashioned from tanzans pounded to flatness and strung in a wire clipped from a neighborhood's clothesline or "sampayan").  If they get five pesos and there are 6 of them, they would be back until they can divide the money equally.  The gang will split in two or three groups in several combinations: 2-2-2, 2-3-1, 3-3, 4-2, 5-1.  This makes for a good thesis in Social Psychology.  You can always speculate through the combinations the interrelationship among the members.

Then this 'NAMAMASKO'.  They were not singing.  They were just shouting and bullying.  Attack is a better term.

Do we give but choose who to give?  Do we set conditions?  Do we succumb to the "pressure" to be generous because it is the season to share?  Do we moralize or do we judge? 

Well, irritation prevailed.   Gone was the Christmas spirit. Ana decided to fold her arms stubbornly, especially after the feral pack woke up the house monsters.  She is not going to let a coin go from the caroling fund in the jar.  It was a "human" choice.

God will not punish us for being human.  He created us to be humans. You see, when you are human, you want the house monsters to sleep! 

Lloyd went out to see the pack.  Lloyd's thoughts are always lost in translation whenever he tries to communicate in Tagalog.  Nonetheless he said something about them making so much noise, the little boys were still asleep and that they... suddenly, a  hand was waving,  one hand holding an umbrella. "Sir! Sir! Sir!" spoke her body language as she bobbed up and down behind a taller guy. 

Jacob was looking outside the bedroom windows, sleep still evident.  He was staring outside.

La Loba was there waving, one hand holding an umbrella. "Hey Sir! you know me! I know you, remember? remember me sir?  Sir! Sir!"she said without speaking.

Lloyd recognized her but got blind in his brain.  Jacob stared recognizing.

For twenty minutes, the pack was howling on a Christmas day.

The house monsters woke up one by one.

Zen moment over.

 



I

The Ending: Shades of RED

Warning!  Warning to myself:   This blog could turn out to be in the league of E.L. James' 50 Shades of Grey except that I can only write about the beginning and the ending.  I will try to be minimal to be less profane and vulgar.

Shades of Red: a continuation of The Help

Sultry red:
Great body I suppose.  Well toned.  Honey skin.  Good-looking.  Petite. 

Brown red:
Masculine energy...

Brass red:
She does escrima when she sautees.  Would shock you with a recount of her state of bowel distress and discomfort right after you swallow the last scoop of dinner.  Her shock treatment ensures that she gets the attention she wants.  She was all over, groping us, bumping us.  The room was very crowded with just the two of you.

Rose red: 
Heavenly laundered clothes and sheets.  "No Downey"  I said.  She gets it.  I can wear my shirt for days and would smell as sweet as the first moment I put it on - chocolate with cream and vanilla dipped in Sakura bloom tea, for days...

La Loba:  Blood RED
Something unsettling and wild... raw sensuality, virile and steamy- while she launders our clothes or while she works downstairs saddled on the wide and deep sink or hanging our wet clothes, cleaning our windows or bringing fresh laundry to our room, her motto: "Be prepared".  She has a minimalist philosophy when working downstairs -  Her fashion is Winnie the Pooh:  with only a shirt and a short yellow one to be exact, while she hangs our clothes to dry,  Tarzan while she launders and a werewolf at different times of the day.  She transforms from red to skin.  She saw two full moons in Frogglerocks and all throughout these cycles, chaos reigned amongst the helps.  She was the most controversial, graphic and sensational creature who bathed and prowled beside the Tungtong River.    

Someone sits by the Frogglerocks bridge to nap, drink coffee or contemplate.  A shadow of a wet, half naked woman struts... waiting for her prey.  The prey is shocked and immobilized just like in the wilds.  Sugar level goes up in disbelief!  

The gardener turns into a figure of stone as her natural beauty was exposed before his eyes.  Poor one for he is so good, pure and gentle!  (NOTE:  this is only one of a number of possible scenarios)

Ana's Nightmare
A MMS was sent.  A few photos ala Playboy greeted Mister S a very Merry Christmas!  (La Loba's phone photos were actually for show to anyone she wished to flaunt her beauty to.)

Ending 

Goodbye La Loba.  Peace and quiet restored.  The night before I sent her home, she was beside a man in my kitchen.  As I entered, there was no one else excep La Loba.  "Good evening Ma'am!" she said alone.  I swear I saw!

Epilogue
I have been under the weather before she came.  My sore throat week after week was depressing.  I am in great health now.

I called a friend who's been in the dumps lately and for the first time in months, I made her very happy with my scary Christmas true story. 

An old friend came.  She did me wrong before.  She was uncomfortable at first.  I gave her a dose of La Loba story to put her at ease.

Indeed it was a great and effective antidote to depression.


HAVE A MERRY AND SAFE CHRISTMAS NENETTE AND FRIENDS!!!

The Help!

I just reminded a new maid something that is quite strange and very queer:

"you may not greet us at all times of the day" I said.

Is this irritation  part of growing old? 

She greets us "GOOD MORNING SIR/ MAM!" and that starts off our day jumpy and out of sorts as we move to the next moment of the day when she greets us another resounding GOOD MORNING MAM/SIR when we bump into her after a few steps.  And she would demand a full attention and contact as she tries to search your face to catch your eyes. 

Isn't she the happiest lark in town?  The day is further punctuated with a noon, afternoon and evening greetings and not to mention the ones in between if you happen to be around.

 She is 51, in great shape and quite handsome for a woman her age. 

She loves to hang onto the grills of the full length windows holding on to a bar or whatever slot she can hang on to with one hand, while she washes the windows with the other one like a monkey wearing red.  Except that she is also doing a Hathaway purposefully.  This she does without paying attention to her chore and while she seeks our gaze in case it meets hers.  This is now what I call a regular window show  that she happens to do during mealtime, when everyone is just hanging around in the living room or while relaxing on the bridge. 

"you may not clean the windows.  Ramil does that once a month" I said.

She sweeps while we are eating if she is not fixing my spoon and fork each time I put them down or spot checks the glasses while we are about to bring them up to our lips!

"Thank you. You may leave us while eating.  We can do this by ourselves" I said.

While in the middle of a delicate and heated meeting with my Admin team, where minds and perceptions clashed and while I was obviously not pleased, she came smiling and said, " KAKAIN NA MAM!" very coquettishly.

I almost had her for lunch and I wanted to eat her alive but only managed to say this very, very angrily, "do not do that again while we are having a meeting!!!!!!!"

A RIFA Christmas Party was held in our place the other day.  Macho Coaches and Sports Directors from Metro Manila schools came.  Some with arthritis and gout.  Others with diabetes, heart condition, high blood pressure and alzheimers.  Athletes of long gone era, EAThletes now.

Before that I gave her a brief orientation.

"Just greet once.  Not loud.  Stay out of their way.  We are not in an entertainment business.  You are not a hospitality girl.  Your work is before and after the party" I said.

(When I first met her, without asking, she told me:  "hindi ako mahilig Mam."  I am not really sure what she meant by that.)

She did alright with the greeting.  Managed to bat eyelashes as she moved around, asked a guest who just arrived what she will do with a tray of glasses (with a hi-hi-hi sir) she was carrying, just to break the ice.  She wore perfume!!

Did partly as told, she was busy after lunch was served.  She stayed in the garden where the buffet table was and ate while the coaches resumed their working Christmas party.

She ate
    and ate
        and ate
           and ate
              and ate
                 and ate
                   and ate
                      and ate as the December breeze blew her hair while she struck a pose.

Everyone who came to help were watching her from the kitchen in her moment of abandon and pure delight.  I watched her from the kitchen too.

I did not say anything.

to be continued

fungus infection!

for you mommy

homegrown in my kitchen

be still.  there are things that don't speak but communicate with you.  they have something great to say! 

 message from the beautifull and exquisite mushroom fairy ( this photo caught it!):  "somethings are meant to be"













eaaaaaat meeeeeeeee!

the 4th little pig

There is a 4th little pig
whose tail is just as curly
He is pink and not so quiet
just like the 3 others.

Except that this one
did not live in a house made of
anything...

The wolf got this 4th little pig that I am telling you about.
brought him to the forest
and was not heard of after the abduction.

At least the silly 3 little pigs
who just danced and sang the whole day long
and ate and spilled what they ate
went to the forest to look for the 4th little pig.

(yawn)

Alas!  they saw a fortress
built of the hardest and sturdiest materials-
impenetrable and indestructible!

There lived a 4th little pig in the middle of the forest.
His house was constructed of steel and stones.
No tree was cut to build his house
nor stones imported from China.

The wolf puffed his tobacco
and huffed as he went up and down the fortress
that he built together with the
4th little pig!

the wolf and the 4th little pig.

the end

STAY AWAY FROM ORANGE NAIL POLISH

Add caption

 wow this is of a little more than a little concern now.  cough and sore throat every now and then?  chronic!
cannot tinapang bangus- it starts the "ehehemmm"!
cannot kasuy without triggering the rebellious throat!
no cold drinks said Dr. Ruth! ice cream or anything frozen!  But what about the durian gift from Anne?  I froze it and it is calling me - "Emma, I am cold!  Make me warm in your tummy!"

Darn! double darn!

cannot dark chocolate with almonds!  that's what my logical mind says.  logical?  what's left brained about eating anyway?  analysis of ingredients?

there you go.  one bar.  got it over with.  quickly.

cough like fireworks

AHEHEHEMMMMMM!!  UBO UBO UBO ubo ubo through the night!  Paaakk! booomm!
gargle grrlllgg grrrllllgg  (Jacob:  Ima, you won't transfer your germs to me, right?)




Every morning is a rebirth.  It is the start of a new beginning.  The new day brings new hopes and aspirations and more resolutions.

a new living room look

today.

today at thanksgiving by the americans,  a loving sis in law promised the darkest indulgence if I go to the family dinner.  She texted: "Me bring your dark c tonight.  c u"

 :}   :D   >:l   :p   :8     ;/   * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * >: s    :y   ###@@@@@**!!!??
                                                                          
me:  u going?
me:  nah!
me:  what about family bonding?
me:  yah!
me:  i don't have to succumb, right?
me:  nyah!
me:  your sis in law in sabotaging you.  she does not really like you eh?
me:  well..
me:  dark?  hmmmm.  am not going there for dat!
me:  sure.




my condition is brought about by other conditions.  namely

unspokenwords
climate change
overpopulation
pollution
child abuse
leaking faucets
acid rain
jammed doors (this is sweet)
dry hair
and
orange nailpolish.

         

hey! are you going for the black gold later?



i want to tell you that there's a new nest in the bottlebrush bush.
































hey! are you going for the black gold later?

Not in the Right Moment Yet

A growing brood did not take much time to expand.  These were portraits I did of Jacob, Jose and Sofia when they were younger.  But a year ago came two more! Justo and Ziva are the new fantastics!

From the top:  Jacob, Jose and Sofia

Jacob was 2 when I painted this. 

Weaning Jose.  Early dawn

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Sofia as she rolled on the sofa while I tried to capture her inner fire

Justo and Ziva's portraits will follow in the near future.  They have very interesting personalities.  Have to find the right moment.

Pay it Forward

Gratitude is a reflection of a benevolent soul.  It is different from "utang na loob" where in extreme practice, is like selling your soul for the price of a favor given, asked or not.

Gratitude is returning kindness and paving the route for kindness to benefit others.  It has a big memory disk.  It does not easily forget.  And in answer to my daughter's question although I am not asked, yes, it does have a holy thread that pulls circumstances and people together binding them to an act of love.

Gratitude will not make us forget that yes, someone washed our muddy feet before.  Someone took care of our jeepney fare when we needed it.  A friend stayed while the others left when we reeked of horse manure and rotten cabbage.  Someone who loves us definitely gave us something we needed or didn't need.

And we remain grateful to those who may no longer hold the power to lift us because we have grown heavier and fuller.  Grateful to those who now could make us angry or hurt because we always remember the good in spite of the bad.

Today I pray for a heart that is grateful and gracious.  I pray to be always grateful to my sister who in spite of our different lifestyles have nurtured me and influenced me more than our own parents.

To Ate, you'd be proud I work hard and I love beauty the way you do!  You should be proud of me. Belated happy birthday.

What have I been doing lately?

Throat is bad week after week, so I am staying out of the school where my main occupation is to talk.

Talk to students.
Talk to teachers.
Talk to grandmothers.
Talk to parents.
Talk to myself...

Now I am basically on a retreat.
Yogames :)
And still am talking some more-
in the kitchen
with Marie's cook.
Everywhere I can, to Ziva's Yaya
And to the cleaning lady.

On the phone terrorizing the Un terrorized about purchases I never made and so...

Should I go back to work?



Here I am doing the most quiet preoccupations: Writing. And praying
my supplications and adoration to the Almighty
God
Jesus
Allah
Yahweh
And my feminine devotion to The Mother. Praying for
obedience
humility
grace
patience
compassion
virtue...
virginal purity?!#%*•

Very much like praying is snipping pretty little girls' locks

And signing checks
For library purchases
Teachers' uniforms
Utility bills
Pag-Ibig, SSS, and would you believe,
Tons of ink!

Life is good without having to talk and  read a mother's young life that is very, very sadly but bravely ending.

meanwhile, I am wearing red lipstick called Rouge Allure, had a haircut and my crowning glory's got the glow! All these did not cost me my voice but

now you know why I cannot buy my promo ticket to Cagayan de Oro.

red means st_p

my amazing pest_

stumbled up_n

sunlight

sad and brave

drink sunshine

i h_pe I d_n't need that kind _f medicine

first haircut by me

best with sunlight

Sunday sitting

2 boys whose Sunday expectations are as high as their energy, took delight in the simple joy of jumping on each other and playing with their sitter- who happened to be me!

After a cooperative medicine time including eye drops and lung opening nebulizer, the photos would prove the bad effects of pharmaceuticals.

Morphing into deformities- thank God it is only an illusion!

Giggly and sweet

Mornings are a witness to sunlit and eager faces. Here is another set of not too sleepy catch under Ima's mosquito net.

Kissed by the sun

The best sore eye buster is an intense kiss from the early morning sun. Of course you close your eyes.

Vampire Slayer

Bully busting today.  Bullying is systemic.  Today, in school\, I called two boys during the general assembly.  I asked the whole school to see and not just look at the humans in front of them.  These two boys were bulled repeatedly in spite of the school's efforts to form and reform.

One was a gentle giant and the bully was a classmate who was only up to his chest.  The other boy was tiny for his age and his nemesis was a boy who is twice in height and mass.

The school is "pro-kid" but against bullies- child or adult.  Everyone is enjoined to protect everyone from enjoying his place under the sun without the torment from bullies.

These two boys were empowered by the mere act that they were given attention by the whole school.  I saw in their faces a newly assumed strength and the assurance that they are under our protection.

It was a perfect morning and the slope where we meet every Monday was awashed with sunlight.  Nobody hides from the open sky.  Bullies have no dark corners where they can lurk and pounce on their prey, yet they can do it in broad daylight if we let them.

DIY

She is 9 years old.
She did not receive an invitation card from one of her classmates.
Invitation cards mean so much to her.

It is her affirmation that she is part of the group.
It is her proof that she is pretty and likeable.
It is her panacea for a lot of hurts:

She is 9 years old.
She was told that she is ugly because her skin is olive.
She was hungry for many years before she was hauled from decay.
She saw things she should not have seen
and have done things she should not have.
 
She did not get the pretty invitation card even if she got invited.

So she made a lot of cards inviting herself to parties.
She made invitation cards inviting "friends"-
to parties that were only in her mind.

...an invitation card for every hurt
that will be a lot!

I hope to invite her to a tea party.
Would you?

TGIF

I had a call from someone who wanted something from me:
a date? my body? my virtue?
for a million dollars? a villa in Provence?
I guess that I can only, perhaps wish!

I had an interview this afternoon and I was asked
three questions...
My answers were beauty, happiness and purpose.

I spoke with three gurus today.
One was about time.
The second about a plan
And the third about growing up.

The call was disappointing,
I did not have all the answers to the three questions
And the gurus did not disappoint me.

The peanut butter sandwich was dry
And I missed my lunch today.

For Not Over 5

somethings I have to live with:
My fats that love me unconditionally
My crazy addiction to things that are handmade and are perfect with imperfection
dreams that will not go away
in the same manner that I have to live with...
who I am!

somethings I don't have to live with but would like to live with forever:
guilt over eating a pound of strawberry short cake giving me a glow that only great desserts can!
believing that I am on a vacation and transported to a trance-like state as I use up precious minutes that turn to hours until midnight...
trying to save the world and earn millions of cyber coins in a game of blitz and an alligator needing water for his bath, some creatures needing rescue from fire and some dirt hero gobbling up pollution!
not to mention real life rescues that without them, I will be obsessing over grime and fiingerprints.

things I will not have to endure but would love to because there is no because:
farts- small ones, musical ones, odorous in different levels:  milky, sour, nitrogenous...
not mine or from anyone above 5- where only Jacob, Jose, Justo, Sofia and Ziva qualify!
sneezes  like showers of stars and drizzles of innocence, I don't mind wiping little noses afterwards...
mess and happy traces that a meal took place
wet bed and blankets
pillows drooled overnight
thoughts and ideas i cannot believe my ears
and the kisses with bite, fish and egg kisses with lips puckered or a toothy hard kiss, soft ones and wet too.
and fights...
ALL and more from them
Not over 5!

Ors

There are many "ors" in life.  In fact it is a good thing that we don't only have "ands".
"To be or not to be" is one famous line of choice.
Mommy or Daddy would be a very common choice a child has to be faced with in a custody battle.

There are happy "ors" too.
Coffee or tea?
Eat or sleep?
France or Italy?

However, in Frogglerocks, there is this choice my grandchildren will not have to make:
Ima or Ors?
Ima is famous for her stories while Ors is The toy provider.
Ors will carry four little ones like an asparagus bunch.
Ima will introduce them to her I-Pad games!
Ors is in demand because he will do anything for his grandchildren!
Ors worked hard to be in demand... he lives to love them all!
He is one and only and he gets the embraces, kisses, smiles, coos, drools and many more.
There is just one "Ors" in Frogglerocks!

No contest!

Ors is a happy man.  His life is complete!
Amen!

Beauty project

I thought that I will never visit my derma after more than a year of neglect. It seems that my obsession with the new school year and finishing my bestselling Guide to HEDCen have taken the top priority. Then finally, I decided to give face another chance.

Before:   Imagine the skin of santol.  corrugated and bumpy.  imagine ripe mangoes when signs of decay is imminent.

During:   Imagine applying egg whites and worst on your face- that's the peeling chemical, shrinking the skin till its dried up and bursting, not to mention a face so battered after a white head is delivered from a tiny pore that would not budge!!! And imagine how many were forced to come out, delivered by a salivating, obsessed and unrelenting skin midwife of some sort.

The best is when your face starts to crack and layer upon layer of skin begin to s h e d d d... you pull on a thin filament and you hear it crackle a little bit.  this is so addicting that you would not want your peeling to ever stop.  The skin is dead and you roll your fingers gently during and after a bath and they yield like... dead skin!  Peeling does not seem to stop and you find skin on your blouse, on your chest and on your lap.. on the page of your book you last read or on a document you signed.

After:  New skin for a while.  Not as exciting as the process of getting there.  I'd  say it's good to shed.  I see guavas from the tree outside my window as I write.  Still guava face but the younger version!!!  hahahaha!

why don't you walk?

I am not sure how walking clears the mind, but at the end of every hike, my mind, body and breathing are one.

I also walk for other intentions outside of my personal reasons.  Golda for one.  She loves the jog from Frogglerocks to The Little Farm House.  She gets all the reward of getting there from all her young admirers.

Today, I walked for Ana.  Maybe it would help ease her heavy anticipation of a meeting that could only turn well (I hope).

I walk on streets with deserted houses.  These houses are so lonely that they probably like to see a live human form besides the ghosts and spirits that dwell in their rooms.

I walk with friends who need to cry and sort things out in every step,  or listen to  woes about husbands who have gone astray, money that does not come, neighbors who suck, etcetera, etcetera! 

I walk quite often with someone who needs to burn his sugar.  Funny that his name is Sugar.

I walk for health and peace of mind and to figure things out.   Sometimes I stumble upon wisdom while walking or realize that life is really a comedy, not a tragedy.

I untangle knots in my joints, stretch my muscles and wonderfully glow with enhanced circulation.  These are some side effects of walking... the downside - bigger legs and feet maybe but who cares? 

walk daily if you must.

Decoding HEDCen

Some Acronyms

AN                   assignment notebook
AP                    Araling Panlipunan
BO                   Business Office
CD                    Center Director
DTIC                Deputy Teacher-in-Charge
ES                    Environmental Science
E&A                 Evaluation and Assesment
GS                    Grade School
HW                   Homework
HY                    HEDCen Year
HEDCen           Holistic Education and Development Center
IT                      Information Technology
LO                     Level Orientation
MAPE               Music, Arts, PE
NPO                  New Parents' Orientation
PCTC                Parent-Child-Teacher Conference
RCDL               Resource Center for Discovery and Learning (Library)
RICC                 Research, Instruction and Curriculum Coordinator

SAC                  Subject Area Coordinator
SMO                 Subject Matter Outline
SPC                  Special Projects Coordinator
SW                    Seat work
SY                    School Year
TIC                   Teacher-in-Charge
TT                     Trim Test

Acronyms from Preschool:
AN                    Assignment Notebook
M                      Math notebook
Wr                     Writing notebook
PS                     Parent's Signature
WB                   Workbook (put together with a subject Ex. MWB)
(MWB              Math Workbook)

People
Administration:
Center Director  Teacher Emma
School Head       Teacher Ana
RICC                   Coach Juaqui
Finance               Coach Sugar
SPC                     Sir Rudolph
SACs:
English               Sir Rudolph
Fil/AP                 T. Angie
IT                        Sir Nigel
MAPE                Sir Seth
Math                   Sir Joseph
Science               Sir Henry (Bio and ES)
                           Sir Virgo  (Physics and Chem)
TLE                   T. Sarcia
Registrar            Mrs. Tessie Tilos
BO                     Ms. Myra and Ms. Edlyn
Bookstore          Ms. Lillian and Sir JP
RCDL                Ms. Bianca
Canteen             Mrs. Escario or Mrs. E
Clinic                T. Angie
Guidance          T. Emma

Maintenance:
G2,4,5 Areas (Pulot Pukyutan Bldg.)                 Kuya Ariel
G6, Yr2, mini gym, RCDL (Bahay Langgam)   Manong Federico
G1,Yr. 3, Yr. 4, IT Ctr. (Kulas Garden)              Manong JR
Offices, Fac Lounge                                            Manong Paras
Science Lab                                                         Manong Alex

Guards:
Guard Celso
Guard Cinco
Guard Soleto

Another HEDCen story

Our life in school is heavily punctuated with the expected and the unexpected!  As we began the new school year today, I said a prayer for every child on whose face I see the vision of my school realized.  I also said a prayer for all of us who dared take this challenge of forming souls and enabling dreams.

There were faces that I missed for they have moved to a different environment maybe bigger than ours, more populated than where they came from, more lenient and less demanding in terms of making them work to full capacity and giving their best efforts, where friends of their "kind" can be found and which therefore, we cannot afford to give, a new country, a different culture.

Strikingly, I have seen the same phenomena one experiences near the sea, only that it is happening in this little corner of the world where HEDCen or The Little Farm House is.  The waves that lap up the shore are the same waves that would retreat to the sea then back again, bye for now, back again... 

To some of those who left, they come back.  Back to the old folds of this school, this time never wanting to leave again.

So I meet all the new faces this morning coming from different little corners of the world.  But I also have seen those who have rejoined us for a reason that is the least romantic- but bold and wise:  the challenge that they have come to love and appreciate here, they could not find outside.  

This year too marks the season when the grains are heavy and ready for harvest.  I am joined by my daughter on my right and my son on my left!  Not that there is any significance to where I have categorized them as I write.  I am happy to be working with my own children, and to see them take care of this school the way they would a younger sibling.

It is not always ideal as I sometimes find myself with very little patience and sometimes, they being short of the same thing with me.  But we do manage to sort things out.  After all, I am their Center Director in school and Their Majesty at home!  One thing that's never short here is their dedication and willingness to be mentored.  I see them missing their meals or even forgetting to drink and I see them blink with headache or twitch due to fatigue since they started to take on the jobs.  Not that it is a good thing.  But they are really  intense about making a difference! (So now you see that I will probably slug it out with anybody who who would accuse them otherwise!) :)

But on the whole, if I may tell their lolo and lola in heaven, with these two on the lead and joined by the Transformers a.k.a. HEDCen Faculty, there is no way this school is going to stop.  New blood and unfailing dedication are everything a dream such as HEDCen will need.  I thank their mentors, those who taught them, those who challenged them, those who made them bleed a little, some who shocked them, loved them, believed in them- most especially the children who inspired them, hugged them and made them cry a little and those who accompany them in their journey, in our journey together in making better people for better earth!

The HEDCen way is our prayer! 

20 years of NPO

I have been giving an orientation to new parents for the last 20 years.   And strangely, no orientation is ever the same.  I talk about the same school but in different ways.  Except that today, I will be brief.

I want to tell them that on my 40th orientation,  I will be seeing your children seated as parents.  That is 20 years from now.

I will tell them that my welcome gifts are thoughts of my school's vision, mission and ideal student or person.

There is no clear departure from each of these gifts, only that they flow from one to the other.

The Filipino child is what or who I am looking at.  He is the target of the school's vision.  A globally competent member of the world community contributing largely to education, family units, environment and human rights.  20 years from now, people can have more than 10 jobs, and our ideal graduate will be capable of creating their own jobs and that of others.

How is that possible?  By believing in the capacity of every individual or of every child.  That is our mission and or the wind the breathes beneath the wings.

Through the HEDCen's formation and academic programs, we aim to deliver the world the goods- the ideal Hedcen student equipped with life skills, a high adversity quotient, emotionally intelligent, intelligently functional and relevant.



 

, (it says comma)

no words.
have been writing lately
but only in my head

open, shut
packing. unpacking
to be or not to be.

there's only one word.
pause.
to save time, pause.

to save money, pause.
to save your soul, pause.

pause to breathe.

astreamofunmanagedthoughts

what do i do when i close my eyes?
what to I think about ? where is the answer to life's eternal question?  there is no such thing? I try not to look outside for fear thatI will find the answer there.
I hear the roosters scrowing and fainly hear what I really want to hear and yet when I focus my earto where the faind sound is coming from, i hear it clearly and I feel good. 
The birds are singing and if i don't pay attention it will not be noticed or heard at all. 
There's a lot of noise in our mind but if we only sit still in silence and perhaps close our eyes to what we see instead of hear- then we discover the beautiful rhythm of the world. 
there's courship in the air and travel in the sky that i hear right now.
there's the sound of one waking up or getting ready for the day.  Why?
It is Sunday and we mark our lives with hours and days, or minutes and hours, weeks and months and years.
Amazing how we struggle to be heard and not to listen.
Imagine how we struggle to be busy and make our lives preoccupied.
What is living? to o drown our senses to accomplishments and expectations of others/
this is a tricky question!
I hear the voice of one who is just starting to live.  5 years ago is not a long time.  3 years is not even old yet but we say everytime we talk of age and length of time, we say, "old". 
I met a man who did not care about "old".
He sees his world with his hearat and not his eyes.
I was taught by this sage that there is beauty in everything
and there is life beyond all this.
Now that I see this in my life I believe that we have imposed a lot on ourselves.
the birds are calling their mates or maybe thannouncing where the food is.
(pause)
my mind's eyes are closed and I look at my keyboard without looking really, not intent except to just stare and listen to my train of thought.  Here is a morning wh (pause) space silence i hear the birds again but this time they are more audible than the roosters. I hear motors running very faintly and now that i hear them I remember the sound of the river just right beside me I hear it gurgling and babbling and water faling from a height.

I hear a kind voice I have been loking at for the last 30 years but this morning I hear him clearly and sweetly in my mind's ears. there is notheing in between my ears but instruments o fsound interpreting things around me.  from one voice  i hear two then three.  I am inside this tube now pretending to be the ear,  the other day, I focused on my tongue and it is a very different experience.  i know that i am making a lot of typos but it does not matter. remember that i am writing mwith my eyes closed and my ears open.  there is  pause pause pause pause pause like a meditation.

12 hours ago: Friday night to Sat morning

lamb caldereta
diliscious sinangag
pako salad
maja blanca
cassava cake with buko tops
sikreto ni maria
rose tea (one definitely has to with the above)
(Paused: woke up at 3:28 a.m. to say bye to Vitty)
badobo in Marty's pan de sal
tsokolate -A (na)

Hoping and praying that we eat enough till we see our children's dreams come true!

the first 10 minutes

eyes newly opened
my name being called
a request and some questions
roosters crowing
first ray of sunlight
pitter patter of little feet
cheek to cheek with Jacob
Jose smiling...
Justo with Ana
thoughts drifting to Sophia and Ziva
sunlight in 8 Mile
hedcen...

just washed the curtains

Dressing up windows

 with living fabric

 and patterns that change with sunlight and rain.

 My windows' curtains have just been washed while I was sleeping!  With little boys who are allergic to dust, this is just the cleanest and healthiest approach to window dressing.

Who cares about the neighbor?  The truth is they do.  When we moved in our Frogglerocks home, they started putting up fabrics, indignant at being subjected to our varying states of undress!!

His Golden Garland is in Profuse Bloom

I am wondering if my mom from her place in heaven had been sending angels who whispered into the ears of those who were in my midst when I needed help.

Our house,  now the school was at the far end of the main road.   We were not the only one.  Isolated, yes but there is a bungalow where lived my neighbors who became very good friends and supporters. They brought my 3 yr old son to the hospital when he cut his finger while I was in my daughter's first communion, 17 years ago.

When I started my preschool, Tito Naz was the president of the Homeowners Association.  He gave me the permit to operate inside the subdivision. As the school grew a little, it  was besieged with territorial issues by some residents.  He backed us up.  He stood by our side negating complaints that we were nuisance. His argument, being my immediate neighbor shutdown all allegations, imaginary and concocted.   

In all these years, he greeted me with a warm smile on his kind face.  He made it possible for the school to grow right beside him!  There were things he commented on- our school owl's lonely call at night and the dust that would be stirred during PE on very dry days.  Outside of that, he was too busy having a grand time with life, with his work, or garden that there was hardly nothing at all to complain about.

Now, this morning as he lay sick and paused, I was helpless and felt utterly useless.  There was nothing I could do in return for all the love and affection he quietly and diligently stood for.

I  know that God has different ways of answering our prayers.  I would like to imagine seeing him back on his feet again and while we wait for a full recovery, this interruption is making me look into the interesting times of my life and project.

I know that we have thanked Tito Naz many times but I had to tell him again today.  When he wakes up from this, he'd probably say, "you are welcome. Emma, kumusta? ".

His golden garland is in profuse bloom- I wonder how he does it.  I have to ask him when he gets back home.

maderwud and some truths

There is a children's story about a duckling or a chick who  went around the farm looking for his mother.  He saw a horse and asked:  are you my mother?  He met all kinds of animals and asked all of them the same question before he finally, at least found his parent or maybe just got adopted by a mom who really could not tell anymore if she lost a chick or a duckling or gained one more! Readily, this lost fellow was taken "under the wings" of a gullible fowl!

I can't blame this chick or duckling for getting confused, for how can you really tell from among the hens that are clucking or the ducks that are quacking which one is yours?

I really cannot understand for I have never been there, how nannies or yayas are able to love someone else's child completely and many times over than the real mother?

There are  siblings who sacrifice their own dreams for their other siblings and will not in the world count the cost.  They know nothing else, not even the word "sacrifice", because there is no time to mope.  It just happened that their mother or father gave birth and that's all. There was no choice left for the "good" child.

These are stories of motherhood in different contexts and personas.  One does not have to be a mother to give enduring and heroic love. In the same manner that you would be lucky to have a great mother, one is cursed to have a very BAAAD one!

Today, on our way to Shangrila to get some clothes for Justo,  the topic of becoming a mother came up in our conversation.  It started with the hamsters that Jacob and Jose are now crazy over.  I don't remember if someone said that he is the mother of Fluff and Muff, that the concept of  "boy mother" was once more mentioned.  This idea came from Jacob in our nightly bedtime stories where I would tell about a T-rex egg (Jose) that found its way to a brontosaurus' (Jacob) life.  Here in this story, Jacob took care of the T-rex Jose. Then  Jacob would say, "I take care of him because I am the "boy mother".  Then they will act out a situation with pillows and blankets dramatizing scenes from the "Land Before Time". 

Anyway, Jose asked today while crouched on my lap:  "What's a boy mother?"  "A boy mother is like our story of the T-rex and a brontosaurus," I said.  "The mother is not a girl but a boy who takes care of a baby just like a real mother would." 

"Who's 'maderwud' Ima?

(It would help if you know that before this, Jacob complained of a headache and Jose echoed immediately that "I av a eggache too!""

"Maderwud" is not all about being great and enduring.  It is something that happens because you have to do it, otherwise your young will go wandering around looking for his mommy and finding a "tikbalang" instead.  Motherwud is not always the way pictures show it or stories tell it.  All the more it is not as sweet as how Hallmark depicts it.  It is about getting up in the morning, dragging yourself to the kitchen on hard and difficult days, cook breakfast no matter what.  One does not always feel the love overflowing, nor smiles radiating from a kind motherly face.  A mother is an ordinary person doing a job that is sometimes greater than her/himself.  Some mothers would even have to take anti depressants just so they can look at their babies!

For all the wrong and right things, we "maderwuds" reach the point in our lives when we are halfway there and we cannot believe that our children have grown and that we have actually nurtured human beings if not monsters or gremlins. 

Just thinking outside the box.

my son Vitty with daughters Sofia and Ziva

Daddy and my older sister, Ellen

Happy Mother's Day my beloved mommy-Mary, sister Ellen, daughters Ana & Marie, sis in law Fay, Jessie, Tpie and Eva and everyone who came from a mother- let us toast a hard-boiled egg!!!!!!!

my brother Emmanuel and daughter Jodie

Sugar and Ana

Sugar and Juaqui

Sugar and Vitty

Jasmin at 91 watching her daughter Roxy with new pups

N.B.  The moms are not in the pictures because they were busy taking the picture. :)