Push ups

Physical push up is very much like mental and creativity push-up. My motivation is time. There are only a few hours left or a day and 12 hours before 2016 while I try to document these final hours by pushing myself to paint. 

Wanting so much to go on a retreat somewhere scenic and inspiring but I decided to make the most of what I am ignoring where I am. 

I am also trying to let go and do nothing about the remaining calendars I still have to sell. And while I have let God, I sold a few whilst I paint. See? My heart is full! 

Oh it is a face of a woman seeing through the eye of a pink hibiscus. Got a leaf for an earring! I like it!  

H-spot

My! Oh My!! Was busy with the 2016 Happiness Calendars. I am on the tail-end of this year's project and so I find myself in a good place and time, writing again. 

Since I have no other boss but God who does not breathe down my nape and does not demand my full time and attention (or so I thought), I had to take on a task that will make me labour and toil and stretch my little and narrow brain in all sides and proportions. So the object of building just one classroom out there in a typhoon stricken area, crossed my mind, through my art. 

This is the second year. Far from my target of 1.8M, I am however, very much on the happiness spot or h-spot!  It Is the journey as they say and not much on the destination but while i am not yet there, I am enjoying the view. 

The long and challenging climb has allowed me to see and experience friends- rediscovering friends and making new ones. Most of them have stretched a limb to help or should I say, created a room in their hearts to help,  a few decided to stay away from me. Sad but if they only knew that all it takes is a No and an honest heart, then there is no way to hide and play possum. I have friends who just watched and followed the day to day status, and I still loved them.  They are part of my journey. Everyone who heard and listened, saw and followed, took me for a ride or doubted my integrity, are part of this whole thing; believe it or not.

I am glad that there is only great joy in what I am doing and nothing can burst this rainbow bubble! 

After all, happiness is right where there is sadness, disappointment, betrayal, loss and emptiness. It is the opportunity we create for ourselves to go beyond our speed, strength and faith that will give us a ray of sunshine, the early morning rain, and the feeling of warmth and light inside. 

      Taken right from where I am. 

The cuckoo's nest

Are you ready to make a life-changing decision within the next 365 days? It could be the darkest and longest hours of your life or the most-awaited answer to your prayers. 

Getting married or staying single? 

To be in a relationship or out of it?

To keep wearing your rose-tinted sunglasses or to face your realities 20-20? 

To just go with the flow or reinvent your life? 

To married couples who have stayed together long enough to bear the tests of indifference, challenges of boredom, life transitions, bad habits, growing old including health concerns- it is painful to watch them so drawn apart and the only relationship present is a form of parasitism that involves sucking the life out of each other. 

It takes the persistence of a good mountaineer to score the heights and dificulties of getting to the summit without breaking or turning back. 

Sometimes a couple will decide to weather it together.  But only the presence of grace and deep knowledge of self and acceptance of the other can build a fortress welded by love. This is difficult.  Without kindness, they macerate each other. 

Sometimes love and kindness are not enough.  When the heart changes season and you are caught in any of its transition, even the promise that once sealed the deal becomes unrecognizale, null and void. 

Sometimes we are not equipped to deal with a partner's inner workings. And if we are, it cannot be our burden. It is only the presence of desire and intention to will to be in the presence of each other's difficult bearings that one can last. And yes, the grace of God. 

Romance in reality is good for 3 years with partners whose EQ is below average.  Marriage either is not made to last. After some years,  it would be good to start over.  Otherwise, it just becomes a very unhealthy habit.  

So maybe, like a car that needs to be re-aligned, whose mileage has gone beyond  5k miles, marriage should undergo the same recalculation. 

Don't you think?

Happy anniversary to my children Ana and Lloyd, Vitty and Marie!!!

Bed time reading

I type and Jose reads. He reads before i even finish typing. Not much ado. We do it for fun.  

Rock Your Wardrobe!

This is an alternative way to

1.  Conserve the natural materials used in the production of clothes especially use of electricity while clothes are being sewn at night and yes while the sewing machine's motor is plugged????

2. It saves dressmakers from consuming softdrinks while they try to meet their quota needing the much needed sugar rush????

3.  Pre loved items have already been broken in. Remember when you were young and how your pair of new shoes gave you blisters while you went around your neighborhood and relatives on Christmas day for "papasko"? Same with clothes, especially with denim jeans that they try to sell looking battered and soiled- well you don't have to be fooled that way anymore. Pre-loved clothes are not artificially worn-looking. They honestly are!

4. Branded fashion clothes? Let the other fashionistas spend their fortune buying them. If you wait and you know how the stylist people behave economically when it comes to clothes, you get the slightly worn and severly slashed clothes in pre-loved sales a.k.a. Garage sale like the poster above. 

5. Not all best buys are new and mall-fresh. If you are impulsive, you are a compromised shopper. Why not let others do the impulsive buying and you buy the after-thoughts? 

 I have a small collection of branded clothes for fun. They are great as your ootd's, you can even do selfies wearing a very expensive Alexander Mcqueen for an obscenely cheap price in the ukay ukay.  I will not in my dreams want to get them from a rack where a dress could cost you a small classroom in a God-forsaken area.  

Otherwise I get mine personally sewn for me by a dear friend who owns a dress shop.  Where the dressmaker thinks of me all the time while making the dress. Oh well, they are privy to body secrets too but that's how clothes to fit are made. 

I am extremely awed by how the young women i know around in my neighborhood are doing their garage sale upscale and really classy!  I cannot wait to see their clothes up in my garage. You would want to see a fashion design graduate's collection of clothes. I want! Or a young artist's who is into edgy but  comfortable no nonsense fashion! Or my daughter-in-law who would fit into a girl's dress. I know it's hard to find adult clothes that would fit that frame, but her fashion sense rocks so there- she has found the mature dresses for those who are in her size range. I hope she does not sell her white hippie skirt. I am still hoping to fit into that! Lol!

We try to do little things to save the world   Sometimes advocacies can be found on the streets. Sometimes in garages. 

Tell-tale signs of life and work

Visible remains of the paint I used last night and the marks from my favorite couch. My feet are wearing shadow boots! Most comfortable footwear. Warm and soft. That's because the storm has left and sunlight is back to where I perch to think in the morning.

Quietly now

Mornings like miracles happen softly and gently. An angry heart and an empty one can benefit from the slow proddings of the day because it is not agitating. And it takes a miracle to notice that the break of day is the triumph over what could have been nights that will go on forever. 

Truth and Consequence

For my coming Watercolor Exhibit and launch of 2016 Happiness Calendar on Oct. 24, my friend and former neighbor in Frogglerocks, Chati Coronel Mamisao sent me this set of questions for me to answer. It was a good exercise to know where, what, who and why I am. 

C:  When did this project start and what made you want to do this?

 

E:  It started last year when I was invited to join the St Theresa’s art fair.  I thought of compiling my watercolor paintings for a calendar for my art  to be more functional.  A friend told me that she will try to sell it and add a few hundreed pesos so she can donate to the projects to rebuild the lives of the Yolanda typhoon victims.  Pope Francis was coming that time for the same reason but in a different way.  I am not a very charitable person.  Not in ways I know other people are but maybe an angel’s whisper made me decide that I wanted to do it with all my he-art.  Then the frenzy and madness started.  I was just obsessed to sell as many to provide a place where learning can take place for the Yolanda children.   

 

C:   How long have you been doing water color painting? Water color is a difficult medium for a lot of people. Why did you choose this medium to work with.

 

My  watercolor affair was not that serious until two years ago though it somehow started in 1997. It was an on-off affair, more off than on, as I was very much married to my life project which is my school.  I felt guilty loving how watercoloring was challenging me and how it was hard to tame and how it gave me so much pleasure at the same time.  Watercolor is magical. I am always awed at how water would behave differently on different paper, different angles, then how a brush stroke can create countless possibilities.. Then all the combinations are brought to life by the splatter, bleed, bursts of color!  I like it transparent andhardly there but definitely there. I love its unpredictabiity. I don’t even have to paint! The medium does it for me.

 

I am a survivor of difficult situations or maybe one who wants to create something beautiful  from mistakes and unfriendly circumstances.  So maybe also why the attraction to water color.

 

C:  You founded HEDCen and made this beautiful school flourish and thrive. How do you feel about the school now? What is the connection between the you that is the Muse/Head of the school and the you that is The Artist?

 

The school just became.  I enjoy the process of making things happen.  Definitely, it is what makes a work of art beautiful.  Yes, school is work.  It is a religion even but the challenges of creating it, is art in itself.  It is like painting without painting.  You just know in your heartwhat you want to happen and the result is very much like the changes that happen when you paint on an empty canvas.  In the end, the outcome of anything is a result of a plan and joyful accidents!  

C:  When I first met you, you were painting by the Tungtong River (do you remember that? Ces brought us down there with all the other girls that we're going to be in her show, including Ana). That was maybe 15 years ago. Did you have an inkling then that the school would be as successful as it is now? Did you think then that you would use your work as a painter to be able to help people?

I knew then that the school has no place in this world if it does not fulfill its purpose.  There is no other way but for it to be “successful” , vanity aside.  It should succeed.

 

I will always be an amateur when it comes to being a “painter”.  I am confident with everything I do related to school, but actually very shy and unaccomplished with my so called “art”.  So I gave my art a purpose.  Then I am not that shy anymore because it is now the purpose and not the art that should be in the center of it.   I cannot yet say that I am helping pseople with my art.  I have yet to see that.  And these are no ordinary people I would like to help. They are children.  I also do not have the illusion that I am doing it alone.  I am doing it with all the other people who have allowed themselves to be part of this mania.  

 

Yes Chati.  I remember meeting you in Tungtong river now that you mentioned it.  You were just a wiisp of a girl but already a gentle human whose mind is on fire and walks the earth gently… how do you say that? 

C:  Please tell me a little bit about the Tungtong River ( I might use the river as a metaphor for life. Naks!).

This river is a small one but it is very much a river just the same.  It is home to beautiful creatures and species, seen or unseen.  It is trying to survive the ravages of pollution and misuse but comes out gurgling and babbling, whispering, raging and nurturing.  

C:  What now? What is the future of this project for you? What is the future for you as an artist?

 

Ang hirap nito.  Okay.  The future of the project is not primarily for me.  It is for the children who will benefit from this.  This is very small compared to the magnitude of devastation in their lives, in their psyche.   I am just doing a bit of what I can and what I know.

 

Aha! Its future for me as an artist?  Wala siguro.  It provided practice and that is good enough.  But I hope to continue to use my art to build.  I want my art to also give healing, touch the heart or make one who views it realize that courage is the main thing.  Without it, one cannot proceed. In my work, it is not the masterful stroke that is visible nor any attempt to compete with reality, but the impressions and bits and pieces of my existence, who I am, what I feel. 

Thank you Chati! 

 

 

 

 

Keep growing and shining and smiling and ... Be happy

Been lazy. Just taking it all in and so I am not writing. But there are so many things to document and thoughts that occur  spontaneously without thinking and ideas that are leaping from consciousness to sleep. 

One thing: one does not stop growing. I mean in terms of what one can learn from other people and the inspiration that wakes imagination. 

And the world is at everyone's feet ready to teach! 

A few months ago, i was embracing an ascetic lifestyle but one can still be simple inspite of one's taste for beauty and that it is too dry and boring to embrace oldness. 

A few months back, I was preparing for my last 20 years or so on earth by stripping. Today, i write fullness and juiciness and lush! 

Please come to my exhibition of Happiness till November 7 in the Art Room of HEDCen, Beverly Hills Subd., antipolo.  Opening is on October 24 at 3 pm. 

Eavesdropping

There's a mother-son tandem on the other table. Both in the prime of their lives. Mom pays for their date. Son collects all unused table napkins and gives them to his mom. 

 The waitresses know them. They ordered some more. This time for take out. They take their time. He waits patiently. Mom is enjoying the ambiance in a hospital resto. 

She is served a new order. A platter of fruits. He smiles at his mom fondly. He asks for a clean set of wares. 

Another waiter comes. This time with the bill. He gets it. With a smile. Reviews their order. Mom gets her wallet from her bag. He says, "mamaya na"...

Who among Ana's sons will do this? I am seeing a scenario in the future when Ana will be older than my age now. 

My order came. 

Vitty loves daing na bangus. 

More people came as it was an hour before lunch. 

Someone wearing a mask entered. I am freaking out. The guy on the other table sneezed very loud. It scared me. 

I realized that i am in a freaking hospital restaurant. 

And I am behaving like a nervous, psychosomatic old woman! 

Time to go. The son who accompanies his mom is looking at me. I checked if I have rice in my chin or cheek. 

I should be more discreet when I am eavesdropping. Maybe he thinks that I have a crush on him! 

My daing is not cooked the way I like my daing. Golden bronze. Is there such a thing? Tostado then. I can't eat pale in a hospital restaurant.  Half of my daing was for take out.  Left hardly touching the other half. 

More people are coming in. Got to go.  Appointment at 11:30. 

Wings are ok in the right place

I was inspired by my grandchildren's big appetite for painting this morning. I gave them warm up on bond paper. The value they put on the quality of paper is not the brand, not even its thickness or weight- it's the SIZE! The bigger, the more awesome.  In the end, i gave them special paper for my contentment. Not theirs. It did not change the mood at all. 

While the last page of my watercolor paper was torn from its spring binding, i was more than satisfied to do a demo on a recycled paper ( i use the back a lot and very often i would have 2 paintings in one). 

When the session was over, they ran outside the garden to pick some flowers while jacob chose a small shovel to dig some "crystals".  I am glad that I recently followed on IG an artist who paints crystals and he got more inspired when i showed him the photos. 

Finally "alone" when they left the table, I continued to add more details to the demo wing. 

At the back of this painting is a forest study that i am not too keen about. 

I love this exercise. Free and easy. I did not have to lift weights. Just right for someone who had a flu and therefore is praying that her trainer will not show up on Monday.  But then i also know that my bat wings will not even make me fly. 

The Jungle

My heart has been heavy lately with the news of children harshly dying physically or emotionally.

Children should never be separated from their parents nor parents to be separated from their children. 

The most tragic casualty of war are the smallest and youngest humans. They who are born purely innocent and trusting that the world will take care of them. 

Our hope is squandered and mutilated. Either they are homeless, hungry, cold, abused or dead.

Today I had 6 gremlins  in one room. I can't complain. Yes i did a little. Thank God there's cartoon network, disney channel and national geographic. Baby Robyn is happy with bites of protein, some scoops of mango, some serious conversation and a lot of peek-a-boo. The rest were unblinking in front of the tv except for Ka Justo who has a different set of requirements. This dude requires human interaction.   Lucy was with parents and came up when everyone has gone home for their naps and after I have taken a long and refreshing shower. 

Everyone accounted for. No one got hurt and my military tactic worked. They obliged with sauteed camote tops and green papaya for lunch. 

It may sound lame or maybe useless but I offered today's chaos and strife for the Syrian children and children around the planet. Grateful to have my gremlins all in my arms. Grateful there are no waves to snatch them from my embrace. Glad to be of service too.  Relieved we all survived the day! 

I hope their parents turned off their phones and gadgets when they got home. I hope that all mommies and dadas give undivided time looking at each child attentively today and everyday. Except for when fathers are overseas working. Yes they need to skype or face time. It is a must!! 

Now i am alone blogging with this wee little toy that is keeping me company. 

I will say big time prayers tonight. I hope to wake up to a sweet day tomorrow and wish you do too! 

Ziva's Philosophy

Ziva wildling: part frog, part dog or dino, part gremlin, and a bit of an alien. 

Prefers to go barefoot in the sandy, humid and exceedingly dirty flooring of Starbucks. 

An alien who came before all of us. 

Highly developed brain but does not grow- just turns a year older every year.   

For example: this is Ziva at one year cute, weighing 9 pounds in my estimate. 

One year and a half cute weighing 10 pounds. This frog-dog is not really a happy turtle.  People turn their heads twice or thrice to confirm what they saw and heard. 

First look:  oh what a pretty baby!

Second look: did I hear right? She  talks like a colegiala? 

1O lbs. at two?

Hangs out under tables, on top and the edges of any piece of furniture, ledges, rooftops if she can.

First crime: snowboarding on the floor with the intent of escaping through a concrete wall. 

Mark: scar on the right brow. 

Second crime:  mountain escape wearing a pair of big ballet shoes while a uniformed, unarmed guard yaya tried to catch her in slow motion. 

Mark: scar on the forehead

Long tongue and 11 pounds. 

Legs and arms 1-lb. 

Tummy- 4 lbs. 

brain inside the cabeza- 6 lbs. 

Special skills: tricks her mommy and gets away with it.  

Wears goggles and shark's hat for camouflage. 

Looks unbelievably helpless and dependent but can make her daddy and ate cry. 

Weakness: extremely loyal to her organization. She cannot be pirated. Not for overnight or circulation. 

And she is 4!  Oh 4 years resident on this planet. 

11.1 lbs. Pedia auntie Anne is happy for the weight gain. 

Favorite food: lumpia wrapper, chicharon, crispy chicken

Requirements: not to stand on wobbely stool

Sleeping by maself!!!!

Needs to "hydrate"

Charged Ipad of mine that does not really get charged at all. 

Crayons, paints, markers on ANY paper

New ballet shoes

Original idea: calligraphy clouds 

Favorite Movie: Transformers 1 the Revenge of the Fallen

Pet Peeve:  kumon or maybe more of her earth mom's? 

Favorite song: Let It Go

 

Other interests: insects like ipis and langaw that we are prohibited to swat, robots, dinosaurs, boys' games

Spirituality: buddhism/hinduism/christianity + her own

Philosophy: Talk to Strangers (especially cute guys) 

Favorite color:  green forever

Our favorite national day is Ziva's birthday!!! That's today!!!! Yey! Happy happy birthday Vazi! 

Justo talaga!!

Itong si justo ay magaling mang alaska! At di basta-basta. 

Kung minsan nagkakainisan pag naglalaro ang magpipinsan. One week ago ang last playdate nila na kasama ang mestisang brit na si Pebbles bago ito umuwi sa London. 

Huling hirit ni Justo kay Pebbling:

🎶london bridge is falling down, falling down, falling down! 🎶.  Paulit ulit. 

Bakit nya alam yan??? 

Ginawa rin nya ito kay Sofingkay. You know naman pag nag dadrama si Sofia... E di kj na. She complained of being ignored and while she decided to wear her emoticon approp to the feeling of the moment, here goes Justo's serenade to sofia...

🎶 let it go, let it go, let it go🎶

Ito rin ang nangyari kagabi habang si Ors ay impatient na kay Justo on bedtime. 

JUSTO! ! TAMA NA!!MATULOG KA NA!!IUUWI KITA SIGE KA!!!!!!!

I tell you he comes up with something new. This was his response. 

"Nakuu!! Nagagalit na si SIR!!"

Rotfl!! Talaga!

I am sorry to my English speaking readers. There is no better way to write about justo's anecdotes. 

Ka Justo

Today is Ka Justo's birthday number 4. But i really really believe that he was born in the twenties or even earlier. Maybe in the thirties but not later. We almost lost this guy when he was a week old and he totally reinvented himself when he resurrected. 

He prefers to watch live and interactive gatherings or conversations. TV bores him. Yes, i am telling you. He is a kid outside the box!  He can sit through hours of conversations and adult "balitaktakan" and "bidahan" without a wink. I know when he is savoring the moment- it is when he listens with his lips apart and he moves his eyes from person to person engaged in the business of talking. We mostly converse in Tagalog not unless we are driving a scholarly discourse. Once, I guess when he already had a fill of everything he wanted to hear he said: "uwi na tayo. Ilalakad ko pa si Tagpi!" 

Sometimes i would forget that he is only a child. At times I would think he was my Dad or somebody else's Lolo. At times an Uncle or a school principal. 

His birthday wish was shpageti and shicken. Chocolate cake "para masarap may sprinkles" and fish. " maliliit at malutong". 

He speaks in English once in a while but i worry that it is happening more often. 

"You want me to give you a gipt? I will gib you a "tale". ( dog leash is his favorite thing in the world) "you want I give retractable tale?"

He is a regular lodger in my house. He sleeps with us almost everyday. Recently his mommy did not want to give in to this nightly demand so she tried to distract him with long kwentuhan. Finally, before he conked out he said, "tenk yu ha por talking to me."

Happy bertdey Justo. You are endearingly baduy and bery bery kul dude. 

Sabi nya sa akin kagabi after his long battle with excitement for the next day: "good night Ima. You are so lovely!"

And we have a duet by the way:

Ikaw ang mahal ko

Ikaw ang mahal ko

Tunay na tunay 

Sa umaga pati tanghali hanggang gabi. 

Oh si Justo ang mahal ko

Si Kuya at si Koko too

Sofia ziva lucy at robyn

Silang lahat mahal ni Ima!

(Repeat refrain)

Last night nga pala, i showed him Ana's IG posts of Jose and Lloyd preparing his diy homemade give aways for today. 

Na touch!

He told his Ors: "Ors ayaw ko mamatay si koko pag old na kami ha. "

What Inspires you Tonight?

    Photo from @dasilva_ness IG

I have not been into meat lately and would prefer fruits and vegetables largely. 

However, i particularly enjoyed my scones with creme and fruit jam infused with tea yesterday during our escapade for lunch with Ana and Justo. 

I intend to cook some pasta with mushrooms or just plain tomatoes, fresh and sundried maybe on weekend but for tonight - hmmmmm...

Would you be inspired by some tropical hut cheeseburger? 

... in my mind. 

24/7

There was a time to enjoy the sun, 

The beach,

Games little boys and girls play,

Soda once in a while,

Biscuits and bread sold in local panaderia,

A tree climb,

Jump rope,

Piko a.k.a. hopscotch

Giggles and delighted screams

Never mind if the shorts is falling or the underwear under the shorts is, 

And then a time for rain ''' ''''' ''

Mud, puddles, wet feet

and mozzies as the Aussies call them. 

But what do they know about our mozzies?

Striped. Innocently biting. Just doing its job. All in a day's work. Nothing personal. 

That's what makes it cold! 

But that was before. Rain or shine the Sriped are here to stay.  

My chidhood days were carefree and reckless as can be.

Not the scare that we

do have now, that our children have now. 

Of course the kids think they are immortal and

The parents can be obstinate too. 

But don't be. 

Now, rain or shine

No time to beach 

No time to picnic

No time to holiday

Without the SPRAY!!

Wear sleeves. Sleeves for the arms. Sleeves for the legs and feet. 

Spray.  Spray on clothes. 

Spray on lobes of ears. Nape and neck and noses too! 

Clean your yards too! 

Cover containers or keep them roofed. 

Sweep leaves and anything convex

Shallow or deep. 

Fumigation? 

Not always the solution!

It is water soluble. 

It is for the psyche alone. 

Once done people fold their arms

And think they are safe. 

What to do?

Outsmart the mosquitoes. 

24/7. 

Dengue is here to stay. 

For now. 

TEd Fellow

I came across a Ted Fellow application form and I started filling it out.  It made me think of what I had and have been doing with my ordinary life in the last 32 years. 

One of the boxes asked: what question would you want included that we did not include in this form (more or less) in my own words. 

I wrote: what do you think an ordinary life can offer the world?

My answer:  if all of us ordinary men who do not read high falluting books or create astounding ideas or so ordinary that no one will ever recognize or remember what he does, come together as one nation- can make a great impact because of the so many ordinary men who do their bit of share of their work to make a small difference, can make or break the world. 

Then i got scared I might be chosen!!!  Hahahahaaha!!  I abandoned the questionnaire and went back to this painting inspired by a Mexican artist and was happy and content. 

Consaguineous

When you are 5th in the pecking order and there are 6 of you, you know that you have one to peck on.  He pecked on me instead while we were growing up using me as his target  in his combat games,  but that did not last long. 

We have been back to back over the long years of being the two youngest in the family.  The only two who did not graduate as valedictorians in high school. Of the remaining siblings alive, Baby bro is my minister, my retardant when I am on fire, and most of all my trusted friend who will never judge me. My sister will get jealous but she is my one and only favorite sister and my mentor and financier!  The other brother is my favorite doctor and life saver.  How blessed can that be? Got to thank Mary and Manny. 

We two however are reprimanded for being the laziest in the brood, but that is a generational perception. 

It is good to have a brother who spends his holidays with the family  whenever benefits allow it.  It is when we are simply who we are.  

I will miss my son and my sibling when they leave on Friday to two different continents where brother will be back to home and work and where son will meet new and exciting possibilities. 

Hasta la vista! 

My bed. My bathroom.

After the hospital break, we are home. Home to nature and sweet comfort. 

Thankful for recovery. Ana is back!! 

I believe that the humble tawá-tawá weed gave her platelets the needed boost! 

I looked around my home with a sigh of relief thanking those who wished Ana well   .

The rambutans are ripening nicely but i have not seen Marmalade today.  

After a while, one notices peculiar scents that we get used to once we take a break from it.  The tv room has a woody scent. And the master's bedroom smells like fermented coffee. In other words, it smells old. It could be comforting though especially for the gremlins. I blame it on the big old man whose main diet is coffee and pepsi max.  The combination is his tobacco. 

I missed a few days painting. So i tried to break the lag as soon as i settled comfortably,  still with the rice fields from my short durian vacation in Calapan, fresh on my mind. 

I thought that the aroma of ricefields would be heavenly in a bedroom. 

Last Man Standing

That is a very nice pillow and will be my pillow tonight. I brought my side kick who is sick. 

Our roles were reversed. I never knew how to be admitted in a hospital. I just get sick and they poke me or they make me go in tunnels and subject me to rays. 

I did the opposite today. I went through windows, filled up forms, signed docus and waited.  Last time I was a companion to an infirmed was several years back in Brisbane where I wheeled my son and bumped his newly sawed and sewn knees into walls. Cant blame me. Big baby was a ton too heavy for his mooma. 

This time around, I lost my patient for a while because i was wrestling with the bag cart while a security guard and not an orderly pushed my daughter's wheelchair to the admitting office. They don't have orderlies, none that was visible in the evening, after they have given their best performance in the daytime.  

Finally settling in the room, we waited for the huggers. They have these dehydrated pillows that have to be released from plastic that i tried to wrench open with bare hands.  It needed a big pair of scissors that an able-bodied nurse brought in. 

Thirsty, i realized that i cannot ask my side kick to get me water. She would do all these for me when she had the upper hand. 

I have to get it myself so I did not.  

Anyway, I do not like to go to bed bloated so i decided to just gargle water from the tap but

meanwhile, i am tempted to have some arroz caldo and BLT sandwich from the Island that Floats. THAT SOLVED MY WATER DILEMMA. 

Tomorrow? I leave it to the hands of God and His doctors.  Hoping to take her home and to get her back in soap making very soon, or old mooma will be broke. 

Amen. 

Durian Visit

I was back home in the province for a very short visit.  Yet no matter how short, Immediately, my heart rate changes, my skin glows and I become very, very hungry!

The sun was bright, the sea was calm, the ricefields in different shades of green, the air was balmy and the stories of growing up still the same. 

Basically I just touched base. A quick dip in the river, then I was gone!

And my dance teacher was by her porch when our truck passed by on our way to the pier. 

Take Care Of You!

Love yourself. I agree. We all want that. What difference will it make if we all love ourselves?  We always say that when we can't get the love we want from someone who we want to love us. we say, love yourself first. 

When i sometimes feel that I am a loser, then the boss of me tells me to love myself. But that does not always work because I am my number one critic. 

But! It is also true that you do to others what you want others to do to you. I don't like soppy sticky attention so I am not also a honey to others. Which means that I am not sweet to myself.  But I can be kind. 

Thus, i will be kind to me. I have thrown half of my baggage so i was good to myself that way. Tough love.  Brave love. 

I tried by showing myself that I love me, so I gave me presents. But Me got bored. 

I tried affirmation.  Told me : Oh what a beautiful creature you are, you are! That did not work. You are awesome, you are bright!  Who am I foolin'?

Regardless, bottomline is, don't let others drag you across the dirty floor then expect you to smile, brush the dirt off your poor self and lick your wounds. 

NO WAY!! 

And so my friend, respect for self is the ultimate love one can give your one and only bestie: Youself. Meself.