On being human: empty nest

This may not have lasted for a long time, but it did swoop down on me and made me lose some balance for a while -- to think that I was too busy minding other people's business.

Personal, physical, emotional, spiritual changes, you can run the whole gamut of human experience - I have gone through them ( and still a work in progress).  I went high with success, satisfaction, enlightenment, friendship, contentment, challenges on one end of the spectrum and on the other end -- went wobbly with menopause, empty nest, growing old, senility, self doubt, spiritual dryness, death, weight, sickness, career change, losses...

Here's one I tracked down from my journal more than 6 years ago.

I.  Empty nest.

 Two rooms were vacant and where my other son slept, at the foot of our bed, was vacant too.

 Alone!

My husband slept soundly, while I missed my children. 

So I visualized them in my drawings,  coming home calling our names and our dogs.

This happened so fast, and before I knew it, they were all over our place again, all over us with their wives and husband and children.

not bad!

My drawings made me laugh so hard after I made them that the drama was over in a day.


II.  Death

And this one made me laugh harder!!

tears on paper

III.  Sacrifices

Things were considered very seriously as I was writing this several years ago but I rolled on the floor crying and bursting to the seams reading it again a few days ago!

And I can't believe what I wrote as my final sacrifice: " I will not buy anything for myself - anything I already have!

 

(in fairness, it worked very well indeed)

Oh the things I did to keep my sanity!

the throne

Chairs are quite reliable and dependable for as long as they are there when you need them.  They don't complain much but they do squeak a little with age or when the load is heavy .  Yes, they do get old too!  Worn and shaky, like little old ladies and frail diabetic, hypertensive old men.

Like us,  a chair has a face that distinguishes one from the other.  Long before the invention of monobloc chairs or plastic chairs, these thrones were handmade from trunks and vines, twigs and branches.  They were defined by the signature of their makers- artisans whose preoccupation was balance and proportion, details and features.

Chairs have evolved.  Some have "flesh, skin and bones" like the upholstered settee.  They have buttons that would convert a sitting couch to a lounging bed.  When Paula Capanas and her team were in grade one, their "laughing chair" was a feature in one of my school's science expositions.  This particular chair had three settings: low, medium and high.  It was one of the greatest improvisations of a chair that I have seen in my entire life!  A classmate was behind the setee while a subject sat strapped in it.  A low setting when pressed would give a low tickle, medium- an average tickle, and high would be the ultimate tickle!  What's the guy doing behind the chair?  Hihihihihihihi!  Tickling the one strapped in the chair.  

Goldilocks loved the bears' chairs!  She sat on all three- papa bear's, mama bear's, and baby bear's and unfortunately broke poor baby bear's chair!  Some humans have been known to develop such attachment to their chairs that their spirits seem to inhabit their favorite chairs long after they are gone.

Sofa, divan, chaise lounge, couch, davenport, rocking chair, chesterfield, daybed, Paula's chair - O chair, you have tolerated laziness, supported buttocks and spine at work,  but you have also provided rest.

Pablo and I share the same thoughts if not fascination with this very ordinary thing:
"Yes,
a chair,
loving the universe,
for the walkabout man, the sure foundation,
the supreme
dignity
of rest!"
- neruda

and I say:

Waiting to be rested  upon and worked upon

a sanctuary of four legs

ready to carry any pressure and weight

a chair of sensual delight

and gaseous outpourings!

Happy Birthday Ana!

You were barely two....

 then, whoooooooosshhhh! there you are all grown up in a twinkling.  And even as a clown, you make sense,  always giving your best in everything you do- as a mother and wife. 

with Jacob

with Jose

your "shiver my timbers' pirate

 I can say that you've come a long way, Ana.
You lost Ilyana and went through deep, deep grief. 

And found your way back to joy and learned to love the way all mothers do- bravely, gently, strongly.

Your faith has always guided you and lit your way,

All the way!

  

I stumbled upon this and my musings for your wedding and that was like just a year ago?

It is good to remember,

how i imagined your gown would be like....

from your invitation

down to your garden reception.

and yes! glad I wrote down details of our preparation.

This happened a few breaths and blinks ago...
Your wedding was more exquisite than I thought  and now you even have a more beautiful life!

And for your birthday tomorrow...
May you be blessed with your heart's desires and may your sons enjoy sunshine and laughter all throughout their lives.  May you and Lloyd continue to flourish prosperously and be rewarded for your efforts each "freakin" day!!!

Cheers!

Haappppy Birthdaaaaaaaaay Buting!!!!

one moment without voices

One moment of blessing

is

waking up in the early morn

when

the sun is half-awake

and 

not fully risen.

someone 

woke up like 

the happy kingfisher 

in the river nearby.

 someone

heard the morning voice

sweet like the dewdrops

and rose

sleepily like a 

puppy.

 and woke the 

sleeping bear 

snoring heavily.

 One moment 

before the sun rises

one moment

before they

are

big themselves 
like 

the sleeping bear.

.

precious 

is

this moment now.

something about trees

There are trees who watch the sea. 

And trees who look up at the sky and with their hands outstretched and palms open wide, they touch the sun.

 Some trees are smug.  They have no idea that in their smugness, they look "ludicrous as to be laughable". Or maybe they take their business very seriously especially when tasked to watch over something like what a supervisor does.

Some are just too powerful, so forceful and intense that you would feel their gaze down your napes and maybe even make you miss a heartbeat.

A lot of times trees are misunderstood.  They are misconstrued as getting in the way and so are chopped down.   

When lucky, they get hugs.  

But they would prefer to be forgotten and left to root deep under the earth to watch the people at the beach,  or touch the sun and left alone to be quirky and funny or thunderously gigantic.

As I do a  tree pose and stand on one leg, I visualize balance, strength, and gentleness with every breath.  I visualize giving,  like what a tree does endlessly,  without expecting anything in return. I cradle in my arm-branches all the elements of the earth,  and imagine abundance like a tree in spring and summer.

And in my one and only lifetime, I meet trees everywhere and I make friends with a lot of them.  In my one and only lifetime.

A Warning

If we will only listen, this bird has a message.  This message was not created by the bird.  Have we forgotten that we made this sign and the message inside the sign? Yet this bird will try everything to call our attention to their eventual destruction- and the world for that matter and use our own devices, our own words to say something very important.

I recommend a Nobel Peace prize for Mr. Sea Gull.

(but what is it that i have been hearing about you?  you like cheese flavored doritos? )

some beautiful, some plain

Still, waste bins or trash cans, or litter receptacles, a rose by any other name would smell as sweet...or realistically, would stink no matter what. Some serve its purpose, others don't.

Fifth Ave. New York

Humboldt University

Ferndale

 A lot of times, we humans who invented them,  miss the point.

New York Herald Square

Here they are striking a colorful pose among birds and beasts.  But can they really do the job of cleaning up? Geographically speaking, you will find its contents, somewhere they should not be.  What do you think the fishes are saying?