Gloria runs away

Gloria could never bring her old zest back.  We tried "jumping for joy" but it did not last.  She has a hurt that she kept inside or perhaps an idea of pursuing something that she thinks will bring her lasting happiness, but could not.

I miss the way she put love in everything she did for me.  But lately, her food was no longer as colorful and as surprising as her flower arrangements.  She still worked like a maniac till the day I was told that her brother was dying after exploding with the dynamite he used for fishing.  She said she had to go to Mindanao to see him.  She cried a river telling me all this.  On her last day, she wandered in the kitchen looking past me.

There is something not discernible and I felt it from the day she came back from the province to work for me for the nth time.  She refused to eat on time.  She was happy to have several new sets of dainty uniforms I picked myself, the colors being that of rose, pink, lime and lemon I tried to match with what I remember was her laugh and elfin ways.  But the effervescence skipped me.  I never heard her laugh with the other maid.  She was getting strange every day.

I still wonder why she never got the money I told her I was saving for her.  She left (for Mindanao) as she said but actually was just somewhere in Manila.  She ran away with all her uniforms except for one set she perhaps was not keen about.  It was a bright pink that complemented the old Gloria I knew from the past. 

On being human: empty nest

This may not have lasted for a long time, but it did swoop down on me and made me lose some balance for a while -- to think that I was too busy minding other people's business.

Personal, physical, emotional, spiritual changes, you can run the whole gamut of human experience - I have gone through them ( and still a work in progress).  I went high with success, satisfaction, enlightenment, friendship, contentment, challenges on one end of the spectrum and on the other end -- went wobbly with menopause, empty nest, growing old, senility, self doubt, spiritual dryness, death, weight, sickness, career change, losses...

Here's one I tracked down from my journal more than 6 years ago.

I.  Empty nest.

 Two rooms were vacant and where my other son slept, at the foot of our bed, was vacant too.

 Alone!

My husband slept soundly, while I missed my children. 

So I visualized them in my drawings,  coming home calling our names and our dogs.

This happened so fast, and before I knew it, they were all over our place again, all over us with their wives and husband and children.

not bad!

My drawings made me laugh so hard after I made them that the drama was over in a day.


II.  Death

And this one made me laugh harder!!

tears on paper

III.  Sacrifices

Things were considered very seriously as I was writing this several years ago but I rolled on the floor crying and bursting to the seams reading it again a few days ago!

And I can't believe what I wrote as my final sacrifice: " I will not buy anything for myself - anything I already have!

 

(in fairness, it worked very well indeed)

Oh the things I did to keep my sanity!