The Problem with Grandparents

I am Ima and she is Lucy

1.  Grandparents have to be incarcerated.
They commit crimes like harassment, kidnapping, smothering, crippling and corruption.

Remember this face:  pudgy with a very sweet smile. If you encounter this person, she is a criminal!  This group of elderly citizens have learned to text too and are quite obscene.  Yet when you meet them in school, they smile at you with twinkling eyes!  They have a code name just like Agent 007.  Some are called Mimi, Mamita, Mama Yana, Abuelita, Lolita, Lola Doo,..They harass teachers, guards, principals, canteen personnel and the poor janitor. They also harass the poor parents of the child when they fail to bring the grandchildren on weekends or on daily occasions.

This one goes inside a guarded gate wearing a granny coat pretending to be cold.  She goes out the gate bulkier and with 4 legs.  She has decided to kidnap the poor grandchild from her PE class.

It is not surprising to see or sometimes not notice children being whisked off their porches or while playing on the street by an old driver of a sedan or limousine or taken by a frumpy lady with an umbrella and a paper bag riding a tricycle! 

Smothering is a common crime.  Children don't even have to breathe.  The grandparents can do that for them.  The little imps can't sweat, can't fall, can't get scratched.   They are smothered to perfection until the grandchildren, not the olds end with paralysis. Of course I am exaggerating. 

Bribing is corruption.  Children are introduced to this early signs of corruption from a barter of kiss and candies, sleep-over and toys, and many more combinations.

I can't blame poor grandpa.  AA or apo addiction is an indication of mental disorder.  The symptoms are hair loss, cranky fingers and redundancy.  When he starts getting delusional, grandpa thinks he is cold.  He piles up all the grandchildren to sleep on the bed easing out grandma.  The last one is premeditated.

 2.  Grandparents therefore, should  be institutionalized.
They can be delusional, compulsive liars and make people around them suffer from their paranoia.
Do I need to expound?

Grandma to the PE teacher:  She can't go under the sun.  She gets skin asthma, bronchial asthma, fried brains, hip dysplasia and warts!  She started hyperventilating since you made her chase that ball!

What is with PE?  How come Grannies hate it?

G:   Oh no, I did not give her chocolates!  Why will I do that? and no ice-cream!  Those are not allergies!  They are insect bites! You don't close your windows and doors that's why!

G:   Her teacher is a witch.  She is evil!  Then why would my grandchild be taught to hold a broom?

Impo, the greatgrandmother with J1,2,3

3.  Grandparents have to undergo speech therapy among other things.

Grandpa:  Come, let's go ah babath then ah wawipe.  Ah cow! Ah cow! (pointing to a carabao)  No bebe.  Ah go ako ah stor. A-sama? (I'm going to the store.  Are you coming?)

Guilty or Not Guilty?

NOT Guilty. Guilty of loving and over-loving.  Can't give enough.  But what are grandparents for?  they were made to do all these stuff.  To love their grandchildren without conditions and without limits.  To give till their last centavo.  Otherwise they are useless beings!

I buy toys but very rarely, and when I ask what they want for their birthday, the response is faster than the quick brown fox:  your heart and your love!!

Then this:
Grandpa:  Will buy toys tomorrow?  We can bring Ima.

breakfast in Frogglerocks

J:   Can we not tell Ima we are getting some toys?

Fried bananas, corn on the cob over red hotdogs?  

How corny can one get? 

This grandparent breaks a lot of rules and does not always follow the code of conduct and SOP's of these dry-skinned and flatulent members of the Apos-tolic Order.  She is guilty of homicide and first degree murder: code KJ!

I love this day

they serve themselves fried saba when I'm on duty

Cirque du Soleil

Grandparents are the only criminals who can get away with their crimes.  They are quite easy to pardon too.  The parents of these grandchildren have no choice anyway, even if they have promised repeatedly to their heart of hearts that they will not give the old folks the chance to spoil their kids.  (They are normally adamant with their first child. The resoluteness changes after a string of babies come!  You know...)

Regardless, the insensitve lolo and lola accused of spoiling and condemned to stay in the corner, endure the torture and in the tiniest opportunity welcome watching over the apos when the good parents are busy with work or when they are on break- anytime.

So we pray for all grandparents okay?  Pray that their eyes won't fail them when they serve fish for dinner.  That's why, I know a grandpa who would rather givem lil ones, warmdogs!