Teacher Emma

I missed time for myself.  I was caught in the frenzy of work and vocation trying to squeeze everything within a lifetime. My body screamed out loud at me.  It slapped, strangled and kicked me till I was blue. 

So after more that a year of getting sick, I made a pledge to pamper myself.  With the help of my children, Ana and Juaqui, and all the other people taking care of my school and loving it as much as I do, I should be on a perpetual holiday.   You see, it is not and has not been easy for me to do this.  I have always felt guilty about having a good time.  Guity pleasures- I've had plenty of that!  I still do.  No wonder, when school started, I stopped painting.  

I just realized that this morning.  I have wondered why I could not pick up a brush and paint away.  I have done other things, like take more naps during the day,  watch a movie alone, write, or cook.  Why can I not paint? I can finish a quick watercolor in 10 minutes, sometimes even in 5!  I painted in frenzy last summer, and i promised that I would paint again once we have launched the new schoolyear, but nothing has happened since then.

Painting was one activity that I would always give up, to give time and full attention to my school.  The Little Farm House is 18 years old.  She is no longer a baby but... like a mother, like a mother, I find myself unable to let go.  

I am letting go.  I am still watching and taking care of it through the people I trust.  My school, my baby, needs to go to school too.  It will benefit from other people, and from other experiences.  And yes,  it  is no longer a baby.  It is capable of being on its own.  Otherwise, the time and care I have given to it (her) for almost 2 decades would have been for naught.

I continue to be its muse and parent.  I am still its vision.  I still love to see the children.  And yes, I will paint too.  Paint without guilt. 

This is how I feel for now.

preschool kids and their birthday cupcakes

 

grade 2 children wearing their hats celebrating the school's 18th year