When a mother dies, the guardian of childhood memories, carries with her vivid sounds and images of the beginning of a family, the birth of her children and their stories of growing up.
She leaves behind her snags and tangles of everyday affairs and hopefully, leaves them all behind in full abandon.
I am only a daughter by law. But I share in her children's bereavement because i bore her grandchildren and my children bore her great grandchildren and happy that they have experienced their "impo" and her special brand of love.
I partook of that special brand of love. It made me strong and brave and I am partly who I have become now because I rose to the challenge of being my own person, of loving myself and raising my children the way i believed I should. Oh how I remember my panic when she would visit my house in the early years. I was only 24. And i know that if i wanted to pass her test, i should run a finger across my table and window sills to check if i wiped well enough. And if i passed that, i would fail on a tiny piece of thread on the floor! Where could that have come from? She would pick it up to my dismay, angry at myself. Well, i told her then that my husband prolly pulled what was loose in his shirt!! I remember how I was so foolishly independent and innocent and was not thinking that life could be complicated.
In the end, i would like to believe that I was her favorite.
Fare thee well Mommy. You left on a beautiful day just before your golden shower have started to fade and fall. Thank you for believing in me and for loving my house and appreciating what I do. You were the first and only, THE art patron of emma gutierrez. You bought a painting on my first exhibit and on the next and joined my scam when you bought my calendar, burdened by your affliction yet strong in your desire to be a part of my project . That was whoahh!!
In heaven, there is no more scam but you blessed mine.
In heaven, there is no dust.
In heaven, your handsome soldier waits.
Woot! Woot mommy. You can kiss him again!
P.S.
Please say hi to my folks up there. Tell them about me and my children and grandchildren.
