For Adults Only

Here is a first born son who for the longest time was his mother's right hand. 

Of course he was indulged. Indulged to have had his mother around for 88 years.

He never knew how it is to not to visit her and bring her her favorite fish from the market  week after week until she got mad and told him to stop. Who is he going to annoy now?

Then when she was already weak and sick, he would bring native pinipig suman every Sunday because she liked it. She just stopped eating them one day but he still kept bringing her the same fare.

How is he?

Maybe he is taking it in stride for after all her mom had lived a full life. He played her favorite records for a day then everything seems to be back to normal. 

But I can never tell. What he is going through now that his main connection to his existence is gone, is very personal and private.  Something I cannot fully enter but curious anyhow.  When someone locks the door, you want to know what's going on and you want to be a peeping Tom.   As i am a curious cat, i better be careful. One does not know how deep a quiet river is. 

What goes on in the mind of an old person who lost a parent?  Of course life goes on. He sees his sisters quite regularly in their old house. I would not be a fine substitute because after all, we are not even related. I am glad he can seek them on things that only siblings will understand.   I also do the same. 

I miss the grand lady of the family. She's not mine but she was a reason why I behaved!   And i also miss her for my husband. 

I also entertained the thought that i will return his son to her someday but I should have done that earlier.  I lost my chance. He lost his chance to ship me back to my Mom 30 years ago. 

Peace Mom. Just entertaining myself. 

Existing Fiercely and Softly

This is a very serious musing theough a painting as i found no words to write all the layers of my existence. Today is also Mary's birthday. She could have been 94 today. 

My mother was not one who said many words even when angry but would when very very angry but she showed without the drama all the things that I see myself doing except that she is radically simple and frugal, hard working and uber intelligent!  

And today is Father's day too. And layers of my existence are lessons in life, discipline and honor that i attribute to both of them. 

I have layers for the Father and real life hero of my children - my prince charming and ex bf in red socks and my 2 sons and son-in- law who are outdoing all the greatness of parenting they too received earlier in life and presently still if i may so. 

Cheers to all that were and are and will be! 

Raising children sitting down

After all, when we can't reach something, we use extenders:  a long pole, a stool, a ladder or a willing pair of shoulders - or cable cars to reach the other mountain sitting down.

I had an aunt we called Kaka.  Beautiful woman with a big heart and bosom that offered comfort when my mother was away. The oldest sister of my mom.  She took everything sitting down - literally and figuratively. 

We were her extension and so her pair of canes too. She was my mom's extension. She was our miracle. 

You would think that a person with a pair of shrunken and crippled legs would have no use to the world?  They have hearts too and eyes and hands and a voice.

So she raised us when our parents were away.  She raised me more than she raised my siblings who came before me.  It was in the year that I was born when all things good and abundant kept my parents away from home making sure that they take care of the business.  My youngest brother became her beloved as well.

I learned to sweep the floor through her.  She cooked for us while she sang.  She taught us how to be compassionate and forgiving and tender and to appreciate beauty.  And taught us independence.  And she was never bitter.  We knew the songs of the 50's through her.

My eldest brother used to say:  " I will look for a girl with the beauty of Mommy and the heart of Kaka." 

My confidante growing up and my critique too.  I spent summer afternoons with her pulling a few strands of gray hair while she listened to my endless stories.

My older sister had my mother's youngest sister as fairy godmother and gained all favors from her.   I was my Kaka's little girl and mentee who climbed trees and ran around and jumped, knelt while I ate, had frog's legs while she did not and could not be what I could and I am with my legs.  She showed me how while sitting down. 

How my mom loved her too!

Raising a bright and exciting child

Paula Capanas was a HEDCen Student and a happiness guru

Pls dont buy your kids i phones, i pads and the like. Not yet.

Please get them things they can build. 

Please make them watch the rain too. 

Pls make them sweat chasing each other   

Please teach them to listen to adults and abide by rules fir their safety. 

Please make things for them. 

Please tell them stories from your own experiences. 

Please teach them how to smile  

And show them how to take care of fragile and delicate things

And eat vegetables

And wash their feet...
wash their hands

and gargle in the morning...

The Boat is Sinking part 1

What can i unload?

Materially, I can do with less. 

Maybe I will start with my closet. 

Not much with value but i would like to lessen choices. Something like a basic set that i can live with, paint with, go to Hedcen with, and go around with on busy days and when holiday-ing. 

Which means that I will have to choose the one I really love and am comfortable in. This is very true. 

How can having plenty of  " borloloys" or trinkets be wrong?  They occupy very little space but the ones that are always eliminated when dressing up or down will have to go. Poor things, they can be someone else's favorite. 

Shoes to go too? I think that i am okay in that department. For as long as my in laws don't give or I don't buy, i am doing good. 

How about bags? This is tricky and difficult!! 

Maybe to be continued. Time is up.