Time Perspectives

Time is short and slippery.  We think we don't have enough but we squander it.
we spend it on useless endeavors like getting ahead and getting at the top of the ladder when we could have spent it on working at our humanity, engaging in affairs that benefit others and in valuing what we have and not spend hours being bitter about those who have what we don't have.

Before we know it, we have spent time unwisely.  We have  wasted it like milk that spilled on the ground never to be retrieved.  Well it can fertilize the grass that will feed the cows who will give milk in return, but never that same milk again. 

Time is the only commodity that cannot be recycled.  But it can be "stored" and even "captured."  There are the TBT's on IG and FB - photos that get stored in the clouds and come back to freshen our memories if not to show how much we have gained in weight, skin and silver hair .  There are storytellers who can recall experiences as vivid as when they happened and scents and sounds that can transport us back to the moment.

Time heals all wounds if we don't keep scratching and opening them.  Patience is a close kin of Time.  We don't get the results we want as easily as we make coffee or buy cola from the vendo.

Time is the master teacher.  If we don't learn our lessons now,  maybe we can tomorrow or next year or never.  Well, that sucks.  No teacher would want that.

Have you actually felt time like a presence?  I like to put my feet up after a long, hard day and keep still.  When I listen to my inner silence and have put all my baggages down, then Time sits with me in between intervals of breathing, with my soul.

I love "wasting" time!  I feel bigger than it when I do! At my age, I command it.  I tell it to go ahead when I have to tarry a while to kiss the babies who keep popping up in my house in the morning just when I am about to go to work.  I have mastered time  when I do a day's worth of work in a few hours with maximum results.  I even had the privilege of meeting the months of the new year through the calendars I make!

Time is relative.  It becomes what it is depending on how we use it or what our goals are and it can be mastered and outdone when we invest it on pursuits that build like growing children.

Christmas memes

Thank you dear friends and family for a fabulous sixty freakin' nth birthday. Let me tell you that age is just a word and it does not hurt at all. To more wrinkles, laughter, lovin', and calendaring! 🎉🍺🍸🍾 you all made my day rock🎶 ( someone gave me other names like Jesusa, Kristina, Noëlle, Santa, etc. for being born on Christmas day but my favorite is Beth) can you figure it out! ?😂 

But before anything else, i thank the woman responsible, the conduit, the vessel - Mary, yes my mother, the mastermind, the brain. A mis ya and A luv ya to the heaven and back! ❤️😘

And to my twin- Jesus, we made it another year again yesterday! Thanks for putting up with all of us. 

Death in the Air

What if at the tip of your fingers is a winged messenger that will bring your prayers to God? 

Would it be faster? Will the form of delivery carry more weight than when it is passively uttered in your thoughts? 

Would He be more delighted if my messenger is as beautiful as this butterfly taking off from my fingers?

Today is the feast of the guardian angels. I believe that they come in the form of beautiful beings that I am naturally drawn to. They guide, they deliver a message or they help me discern. 

My carpenter has been missing for a week now.  He has not shown up, not in his home, not for work. His only vice is alcohol. At the end of the day, he drinks. This is the last activity that was accounted for. He drank with a co-worker and some people he did not know. We have been looking. Today, somebody is going to be picked up to shed light to his disappearance. 

I know he is dead. The stench of death has been following me anywhere I go that  I got this strange headache. A dead mouse in the filter of my car airconditioning was the culprit. How it got there, we are clueless.  I saw dead animals in my walk. Without the physical evidence of where the stench comes from, the stench seemed to be coming from around me too like a serious b.o. 

So I called Dodoy who is part of the search and told him that Eddie is dead. I said he needs prayers and he wants me to know that he will no longer be able to make me boxes for my notecards should I need them again.  He has resigned. Retired from life.  

Then this big butterfly was trapped in my house, first time of this majestic kind.  And I set it free. The energy that hovered the last few days is gone. I feel lighter. 

Bon voyage Eddie. You'd be intoxicated on a higher level where you will go. I ask you to help us solve this crime, if it is the case, but don't use me as your medium anymore. Show up! Dead or alive. 

Before i sleep tonight, let me write my prayer.

Dear God I thank you for the memories that I hold in my heart. Thank you for my heart that chooses which memories to keep - those memories that taught me to be brave and grateful. I thank You for Your Presence through my friends and the children I have taught. For those who have loved me and whom I love... Including  those who unsettled, ruffled, baffled oand squeezed me dry, my teachers of life who demanded nothing less from me, thank you.  Bless me and cradle me in your bossom. My sweet angels, my spirit guides, sleep well tonight. 

Daily Menu

My daughter asked me this morning for some guidelines that I might want to add to the hedcen Faculty Inservice Training on General guidelines in preparing for projects and activities. 

With Hedcen on my mind, in my sleep and waking hours, perhaps this will be the last memory that will go IF i go senile. 

And the song " you are always in my mind..." can be creepy but true. Oh yes, i have other thoughts and plans that are just as equally entertaining that occupy my mind and these wonderings and wanderings are part of the ingredients in my recipe i call Emma's sisig. 

So this is my response to Ana's agenda. 

Consider that hedcen is the center, be-all and end-all:  its moral principles, philosophy, mission and goals. 

Set clear objectives why the project, why the procedure, why the activity. 

That advocacies of hedcen have to be supported and a basis for any project's framework 

Consider realistic planning and economy of and creativity in the use of resources

Consider that everything we do is a window to raise moral consciousness and conscience, accelerate learning and develop responsibility and accountability. 

That our job as hedcen educators is to deliver a liberating education through positive and creative interventions. 

Have a checklist or guidelines that evaluate or assess whether hedcen standards and its non negotiables are met. 

Warts and all

Before this photo, the service people were busy. It was peak time - lunch.  Try as they did, i saw some cheating that I will not disclose except that one kitchen employee touched his nose. 

Talk about where one is seated.., where one gets a peak at habits and everything human! 

Glad i did not order anything that will have to be processed with hands and fingers then served without the sterilizing benefit of heat and boiling OIL!

Someone kept sneezing in the kitchen! OMG! They should not let anybody especially me sit where I was.  

I had stir fried spinach and I looked suspiciously at the fingers of  Mr. Pogi.  

I followed him with my eyes as he went about after he brought my food. He was ok. I don't think he was the one who kept sneezing as his eyes and nose were dry. 

Jacob ordered two servings of DOUBLE boiled beef with noodles. Jose had FRIED chicken. Justo ate whatever Kuya and Diko ordered. 

My bill was 1,500 net after my Senior discount.

That was the cost of food inclusive of germs and virus, warts and all. 

 

Dontbederteh!

I read Jessica Zafra's article on Duterte as the id that gives voice and lakas ng loob to many Filipinos who see him as the bright future of our country. I like it. Jessica is bright! 

This reminds me of behavior challenges that we teachers meet in the classroom. Most of the time, these children's problem is the lack of self regulation. Thus impulsivity. And to a large extent, abusive behavior. 

Most of the time, this behavior leads to indiscriminate acts that can hurt others around them but in the end, this behavior sabotages the person himself. 

And I am writing about children. Without effective interventions, their gifts and their potential cannot be fully developed or realized. 

These people who could be great leaders can also be great threats. Their impulsivity, lack of self regulation, discernment and reflective thinking may be effective in situations that call for actions like jumping from a cliff to save himself or heroically save someone else's life without regard for danger. No thinking required. 

On the other hand, this kind of behavior active for 24 hours in 6 years, exposes this person and everyone around him to great danger.  Think of the entire nation, not one province but 7100 islands. if this personality happens to be the President of the Philippnes, the magnitude of danger is immense. 

And then as an educator, it also gives me a problem. How will I rewrite the entire values education program that is hinged on all the different academic areas?  How will I be effective in teaching my students a simple life-rule: "no bad words". How about democracy? It is not just freedom of speech and press but also due process? How will parents be assured that when their children stand up for what's true, that they will not be in danger of execution or barbaric and dictatorial "justice"?

If I will have another dictator in my lifetime- it will have to be someone who stands for universal goodness. One who does not love to kiss women and sit them on his lap ( i wonder why these girls allow it!) but one who respects the image of every woman, man and children. 

There is only one great dictator that I know of and he ruled with might, wisdom, unquestionable discernment and loved his wife and was loyal to her like his commander. (Hahahaha!) 

But Lee Kuan Yew is dead. So no chance for another one. The rest will just be dictators and tyrants. No way is Duterte close to that. His rule will be one amateurish act whose ways may work for some but definitely not for me. 

I will wait for the the true leaders in the future. Maybe not in this era. Meanwhile, I hope that schools will not have a problem with inconsistency between what is taught and what is seen. 

And that goes to all the presidentiables!!

Back to the Bat Cave for now

I enjoy the humanity of facebook and its users: good intentions and bad, vanity and humility, prudence and impulsivity, freedom and recklessness, information and misinformation, business and human connection and interaction. I am not saying that this is the only place for all of the above, but this is where almost everyone congregates without having to commute or travel, shower, dress up decently, comb, spend to treat a friend over coffee and cake. And the world, in one touch- how can it not be awesomely powerful! 

I can enumerate all the conveniences of a gadget and an internet connection but it is useless because I no longer have that at home. 😄Meaning, i have to dress up to go where there is. And where there is an internet connection is a place of work, and in coffee shops where there is, do i drink coffee alone with my gadget to reach you? And not to mention the fact that I suddenly found myself challenged by the true meaning of friendship and of being private. So, for now, i will try to enjoy the disconnection and will be working on what I can offer for 2017. Anyway, all my children are home now... And I am not saying that you will miss me on FB but I will miss you like a morning paper, and you have the election and its issues to take your interest anyway... except that for those who truly get in touch with me through facebook, i feel that I need to let you know. Meanwhile, email me a note or send a postcard through the slow mail and make a postman or a sorter happy. You may  please send me your addresses through my messenger which I will open when I am in a wifi free zone, and I will connect with you via letter or a postcard or a free phone call. 

Enjoy the world! 

Lenten meditation

Occasionally, there's a pretty flower that comes out from the arid flesh and the spiny arms. But more often than not we take notice of the thorns and miss out on the pretty outcome of the strife. 

Size Big.

Jose.  Big heart. Very sensitive. Feels his music and rhthym with his heart. Feels his food too with all his heart. Loves Sunday takuyaki balls. And now cheese ice cream.  

A way to say things...

Have not blogged for a long time but i had been painting. I do not require too much work for myself lately and this is quite evident in my very wild and loose watercolor sketches. Without the laborious details, it affords me to attend to other businesses among them is tending to things that grow and need my love and attention. 

Lately though, I find myself painting rocks and water with birds in it of course. It is a calming exercise. Hard and soft. Quiet and serene. 

Without words, I am remembering and saying what my feelings and thoughts are. 

Today I played hooky. Not meaning to. But i got myself in deep conversation with an in-law regarding the state of politics in the Philippines. Maybe the common tao look for heroes and some are taken bya law breaker with virginal appeal or pope cursing mangosteen, a robinhood who keeps the loot for himself and another who's got no (sex) appeal. Dangerous... Tsk tsk tsk. 

Oh well, so I ended up painting to once again claim my zen after I agitated myself with a quarter cuppa coffee and a passionate conversation - with a virtual walk by the beach and prolly sitting under the talisay tree waiting for the right moment to take a dip and wade like a duck. 

Work comes to me though so no, i did not play hooky after all. 

Love is the Greatest Energy

I am about to finish a painting I abandoned a few days ago but any excuse to not to is more than welcome. So i distracted myself from the moment's goal and decided that i will blog instead. 

Since today is Valentine's Day, I am remembering all the people (past and present, dead and alive, active and inactive) I love and who love or loved, me. 

I look past the moment now and remember with longing and gratitude those who loved me the most while they were here with me. 

Today, I visited my daughter for a healthy breakfast of granola, hopia, fried egg and banana and to return the gremlins who slept over in my house last night. 

Marie brought her funny girls while Yaya Lyn brought Lucy to visit too. 

And I thought that seeing and being with all the gremlins and funny girls is a testimony of love in action which brings joy and nourishment and gratitude. Knowing that I tried to be a good parent and seeing my children try their best in being good parents is a Happy Valentine's day for me. 

I'm sure about my old and on-off valentine and the partner I chose to raise this family with know that we are blessed. 

Ziva contemplating on life and intensely sending loving thoughts to her Daddy. 

Stay...

I. 

Small but great impact. My bird Boogie stopped dancing.  I held it in my hand when it became very still and tried to imagine how it was a cheerful, sprightly companion till the last day of 2015. 

II. 

I thought that the pillow I received from the House of Queens for my birthday captured my love for birds. Sofia, the beautiful-boned funny girl designed it while her mama Marie executed the awesome concept. 

 III. 

As I sat down for an early morning excel work, i realized the uncanny coincidence of losing my white canary and receiving an art work depicting her everyday as it sits on my old wicker sofa. 

Almost everyday... except during laundry days. 

Push ups

Physical push up is very much like mental and creativity push-up. My motivation is time. There are only a few hours left or a day and 12 hours before 2016 while I try to document these final hours by pushing myself to paint. 

Wanting so much to go on a retreat somewhere scenic and inspiring but I decided to make the most of what I am ignoring where I am. 

I am also trying to let go and do nothing about the remaining calendars I still have to sell. And while I have let God, I sold a few whilst I paint. See? My heart is full! 

Oh it is a face of a woman seeing through the eye of a pink hibiscus. Got a leaf for an earring! I like it!  

H-spot

My! Oh My!! Was busy with the 2016 Happiness Calendars. I am on the tail-end of this year's project and so I find myself in a good place and time, writing again. 

Since I have no other boss but God who does not breathe down my nape and does not demand my full time and attention (or so I thought), I had to take on a task that will make me labour and toil and stretch my little and narrow brain in all sides and proportions. So the object of building just one classroom out there in a typhoon stricken area, crossed my mind, through my art. 

This is the second year. Far from my target of 1.8M, I am however, very much on the happiness spot or h-spot!  It Is the journey as they say and not much on the destination but while i am not yet there, I am enjoying the view. 

The long and challenging climb has allowed me to see and experience friends- rediscovering friends and making new ones. Most of them have stretched a limb to help or should I say, created a room in their hearts to help,  a few decided to stay away from me. Sad but if they only knew that all it takes is a No and an honest heart, then there is no way to hide and play possum. I have friends who just watched and followed the day to day status, and I still loved them.  They are part of my journey. Everyone who heard and listened, saw and followed, took me for a ride or doubted my integrity, are part of this whole thing; believe it or not.

I am glad that there is only great joy in what I am doing and nothing can burst this rainbow bubble! 

After all, happiness is right where there is sadness, disappointment, betrayal, loss and emptiness. It is the opportunity we create for ourselves to go beyond our speed, strength and faith that will give us a ray of sunshine, the early morning rain, and the feeling of warmth and light inside. 

      Taken right from where I am. 

The cuckoo's nest

Are you ready to make a life-changing decision within the next 365 days? It could be the darkest and longest hours of your life or the most-awaited answer to your prayers. 

Getting married or staying single? 

To be in a relationship or out of it?

To keep wearing your rose-tinted sunglasses or to face your realities 20-20? 

To just go with the flow or reinvent your life? 

To married couples who have stayed together long enough to bear the tests of indifference, challenges of boredom, life transitions, bad habits, growing old including health concerns- it is painful to watch them so drawn apart and the only relationship present is a form of parasitism that involves sucking the life out of each other. 

It takes the persistence of a good mountaineer to score the heights and dificulties of getting to the summit without breaking or turning back. 

Sometimes a couple will decide to weather it together.  But only the presence of grace and deep knowledge of self and acceptance of the other can build a fortress welded by love. This is difficult.  Without kindness, they macerate each other. 

Sometimes love and kindness are not enough.  When the heart changes season and you are caught in any of its transition, even the promise that once sealed the deal becomes unrecognizale, null and void. 

Sometimes we are not equipped to deal with a partner's inner workings. And if we are, it cannot be our burden. It is only the presence of desire and intention to will to be in the presence of each other's difficult bearings that one can last. And yes, the grace of God. 

Romance in reality is good for 3 years with partners whose EQ is below average.  Marriage either is not made to last. After some years,  it would be good to start over.  Otherwise, it just becomes a very unhealthy habit.  

So maybe, like a car that needs to be re-aligned, whose mileage has gone beyond  5k miles, marriage should undergo the same recalculation. 

Don't you think?

Happy anniversary to my children Ana and Lloyd, Vitty and Marie!!!

Bed time reading

I type and Jose reads. He reads before i even finish typing. Not much ado. We do it for fun.  

Rock Your Wardrobe!

This is an alternative way to

1.  Conserve the natural materials used in the production of clothes especially use of electricity while clothes are being sewn at night and yes while the sewing machine's motor is plugged????

2. It saves dressmakers from consuming softdrinks while they try to meet their quota needing the much needed sugar rush????

3.  Pre loved items have already been broken in. Remember when you were young and how your pair of new shoes gave you blisters while you went around your neighborhood and relatives on Christmas day for "papasko"? Same with clothes, especially with denim jeans that they try to sell looking battered and soiled- well you don't have to be fooled that way anymore. Pre-loved clothes are not artificially worn-looking. They honestly are!

4. Branded fashion clothes? Let the other fashionistas spend their fortune buying them. If you wait and you know how the stylist people behave economically when it comes to clothes, you get the slightly worn and severly slashed clothes in pre-loved sales a.k.a. Garage sale like the poster above. 

5. Not all best buys are new and mall-fresh. If you are impulsive, you are a compromised shopper. Why not let others do the impulsive buying and you buy the after-thoughts? 

 I have a small collection of branded clothes for fun. They are great as your ootd's, you can even do selfies wearing a very expensive Alexander Mcqueen for an obscenely cheap price in the ukay ukay.  I will not in my dreams want to get them from a rack where a dress could cost you a small classroom in a God-forsaken area.  

Otherwise I get mine personally sewn for me by a dear friend who owns a dress shop.  Where the dressmaker thinks of me all the time while making the dress. Oh well, they are privy to body secrets too but that's how clothes to fit are made. 

I am extremely awed by how the young women i know around in my neighborhood are doing their garage sale upscale and really classy!  I cannot wait to see their clothes up in my garage. You would want to see a fashion design graduate's collection of clothes. I want! Or a young artist's who is into edgy but  comfortable no nonsense fashion! Or my daughter-in-law who would fit into a girl's dress. I know it's hard to find adult clothes that would fit that frame, but her fashion sense rocks so there- she has found the mature dresses for those who are in her size range. I hope she does not sell her white hippie skirt. I am still hoping to fit into that! Lol!

We try to do little things to save the world   Sometimes advocacies can be found on the streets. Sometimes in garages. 

Tell-tale signs of life and work

Visible remains of the paint I used last night and the marks from my favorite couch. My feet are wearing shadow boots! Most comfortable footwear. Warm and soft. That's because the storm has left and sunlight is back to where I perch to think in the morning.

Quietly now

Mornings like miracles happen softly and gently. An angry heart and an empty one can benefit from the slow proddings of the day because it is not agitating. And it takes a miracle to notice that the break of day is the triumph over what could have been nights that will go on forever.